Mr. X Tries to Replace Donald Trump

June 20, 2016 - Tom Papa 06/20/2016 Views: 883

As members of the RNC plot against Donald Trump's presidential nomination, a mysterious wild-haired Republican insider offers a familiar alternative to the GOP candidate. (2:15)

Now... now, like,there are rumors

about who couldpotentially replace Trump,

and no one knows for sure.

So here to give ussome insight--

and at his request,we're protecting his identity--

uh, Republican insider, Mr. X.

Thank you.

-(applause, cheering, whooping)-Thank you very much.

Thank you.Thank you for having me, Larry.

Uh, so, Mr. X,is it true the RNC

wants to replace Donald Trump?

(sounds like Bernie Sanders):It's absolutely true.

Desperate times, Larry.

We need someonewho's strong enough

to defeat the Clinton machine.

Okay. Um,so what kind of candidate

are you guys looking for, then?

Well, we're looking for someonewho can electrify the youth.

Okay. That seemslike a good strategy.

Hillary doesn't poll as wellwith young people.

Exactly! Believe me, I know.

And maybe... maybe this fellahas worked in politics

a long time, but still feelslike an outsider.

(laughter)

Um...

Wait a minute, this sounds oddlylike Bernie Sanders.

Never heard of him.

(laughter)

Okay.

-You... you know what elsewe need? -What's that?

-A catchy campaign slogan.-Okay.

You know, somethinglike "Feel the Bern."

I don't know,I'm just spitballing.

That wasa pretty accurate spitball.

I mean, that'sBernie's campaign slogan.

It is? Boy, that guysounds really great.

-(laughter)-Look, the RNC needs a candidate

who can change coursefrom Trump's hate speech.

Now is the time for unity,not racism, homophobia,

uh, religion-bashing.

Also, universal health carelike Denmark's.

(laughter)

Universal health care. Are yousure you're not Bernie Sanders?

Larry, stop itwith your "gotcha" questions.

Nobody cares aboutyour damn "gotcha" questions.

-Okay, I'm sorry. I apologize.-All I'm saying is

that if you're lookingto replace Trump,

just get a New Yorkerwith crazy hair.

You're halfway there.Come on, it's easy!

It's not science, Larry.

-(whooping, applause)-Okay. You're right.

You're right.Uh, maybe it is easy.

-Okay, thanks, Bernie.-You're welcome.

Ha-ha! Gotcha! Ha-ha!

-Damn it! Damn it, Larry!-Heh-heh-heh! Heh!

The chance of getting mewas exactly one percent.

-That's right.-Damn it!

All right,good luck at the convention,

whichever one you attend.

Mr. X, everyone.We'll be right back!