Doug Benson - Movie Quotes

  • Season 8 , Ep 11
  • 03/04/2004
  • Views: 19,925

Doug Benson shouldn't have quoted "Babe" on a recent date. (2:10)

LIKE MOST COMICS, I JUST BROKEUP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

[LAUGHTER]AND THE REASON WE BROKE UP IS

BECAUSE I CAUGHT HER LYING...

UNDER ANOTHER MAN.

[LAUGHTER]AND THAT'S WHERE YOU REALLY HAVE

TO STOP AND--[APPLAUSE]

OKAY.

THAT'S FINE.

GO AHEAD AND APPLAUD MYGIRLFRIEND HAVING SEX WITH

ANOTHER MAN.

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME.

SO, TO HELP MYSELF FEEL BETTERABOUT THE BREAK UP, I'VE TURNED

TO THE WORLD OF POETRY.

DO YOU GUYS LIKE POETRY?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTERABOUT THE BREAK UP.

WHAT I DID WAS I WROTE A HAIKU,RIGHT, 'CAUSE YOU LEARN HOW TO

WRITE A HAIKU IN HIGH SCHOOL.

WHY WALK AWAY?

APPLY IT TO YOUR LIFE.

SO, THIS IS A HAIKU IN PERFECTHAIKU FORM ABOUT MY

EX-GIRLFRIEND.

"ALL GOOD HAIKU'S HAVE FIVESYLLABLES, THEN SEVEN, BUT

WHO CARES, YOU WHORE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]YEAH, THAT FELT GOOD!

SO I'M OUT DATING.

YOU KNOW I WAS ON A DATERECENTLY WITH A WOMAN, AND SHE

SAID TO ME, SHE GOES, "I DON'TLIKE MOVIES.

I NEVER GO TO MOVIES."

AND I WAS LIKE SWEET, BECAUSEI LOVE MOVIES!

ESPECIALLY FOREIGN FILMS,BECAUSE I LOVE TO READ ALOUD.

AND SO I THOUGHT...

[LAUGHTER]I THOUGHT AS LONG AS I WAS ON

THIS DATE WITH THIS WOMAN,I COULD SLIP LINES FROM MOVIES

INTO THE CONVERSATION AND SHEWOULD THINK I WAS REALLY CLEVER

AND SHE'D HAVE NO IDEA WHEREI GOT IT FROM.

SO, I WAS LIKE, "OH, YOU MAKEME WANNA BE A BETTER MAN."

[LAUGHTER]AND SHE GOES, "OH, WHEN DID

YOU FIRST KNOW YOU LIKED ME?"AND I WAS LIKE "YOU HAD ME AT

HELLO."

[LAUGHTER]RIGHT?

IT WAS GOING GOOD.

HERE'S WHERE I MADE A MISTAKE.

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE QUOTED ALINE FROM THE MOVIE "BABE,"

'CAUSE AT THE END OF THE MEAL,I WAS LIKE "THAT'LL DO, PIG."

AND, UM--YEAH, THAT WAS NOT COOL.

I THINK SHE SAID A FEW THINGSFROM "SCARFACE AT THAT POINT.

IT WAS VERY UGLY.

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