Uh, but let's start tonightin India,
where the craziest thingis going on.
A few weeks ago, the governmentsuddenly told people
that nearly all the cash incirculation had to replaced.
All right? The money ineveryone's pockets
is now, basically goingto be worthless.
As worthless as a Hillaryinauguration ticket.
And just like many of you, uh,didn't like that joke,
uh, the people in Indiaare also not happy.
In India, a government plan totackle corruption is backfiring.
And it has plunged the country into economic chaos.
TV REPORTER: It all began Tuesday,
when Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi
made a surprise prime time announcement.
501,000 rupee notes, the two biggest available,
would be discontinued.
The reason: a crackdown on counterfeiters
and tax evaders.
We walked around a few banks in New Delhi.
Long queues of men and women lined up
to replace old money with new.
That looks like the TSA lineat JFK; look at that.
And you know all of them aregetting randomly searched.
You can see thatthat's happening.
This is, this is crazy what'shappening in India right now.
People have to givethe money away.
They've got to give itto the bank.
But the old notes,hundreds and five hundreds,
are basically gonnabe worth nothing.
It's gonna be the first timein history
where strippers are givingthe money back to people.
No, no, you...No, you take it.
No, you; no, not me, you, you.
So with this huge crisisgoing on,
you'd thinkthe Indian government
would stop everythingto deal with it.
But before, uh, there was,apparently,
one much more important issue
that they had totake care of first.
India's supreme court has ruledthat the national anthem
must be played in every cinemaacross the country
before a film is screened.
TV REPORTER: The judges say this is to instill
a sense of committednationalism, of patriotism,
which the judges believe is absent from India today.
So the new law in India is that
they have to play the nationalanthem before every movie.
Now, it won't be that hard,to be honest,
to adjust to it,because, conveniently,
the Indian national anthemis actually,
♪ Let's all go to the lobby
-♪ Let's all go to the lobby. -(laughter)
But, uh, but what makesthis serious
is that the law also saysaudiences must stand
whenever the anthem is played.
I think that's gonna make itespecially awkward
during any erotic films,you know?
All rise for thenational anthem.
Guy's like, no, I'd rather sit,thank you.
I'd rather... I'd rather sit.
They're gonna, they're gonnahave to sell, you know,
math textbooksat the concession stand
to get people, off it.
But, uh, but actually, there isa part of the Indian law
that I think should be broughtto America.
The law also says that thenational anthem
cannot be used forcommercial exploitation,
which I agree with.
I'm all for that, because to me,
it's crazy to hear peoplein the U.S. go wild, you know,
like, you can't kneelduring the anthem.
This is not a time for protest.
Stand up and put your handover your heart.
Show some respectfor that anthem.
Now let's goto a commercial break.
And then the commercial is like,
(tune of Star Spangled Banner):♪ Ba, ba-ba, ba, ba, ba
Buy your used cars now!
(tune of Star Spangled Banner):♪ Ba, ba-ba, ba, ba, ba.
-Yeah!-(cheering and applause)
I'm just saying...
And, uh, I just want to know
how far this national anthemthing goes in India, you know?
First, they make you hear itbefore every movie.
Then it's gonna be before youcheck out at the grocery store.
Then before every performanceof the national anthem
there's gonna be anothernational anthem.
Or you'll be calling for anemergency services,
you know, assistance,and you'll be like,
"Help, my house is on fire."And the guy will be like,
"I can dispatch a fire unitshortly, but first..."
(singing in Hindi)