Extended - Loco Police Scanner with Michael Chiklis - Uncensored

Extended - Thursday, December 8, 2016 - Uncensored 12/08/2016 Views: 441

Professional pretend police officer Michael Chiklis joins Ali Siddiq, Nate Fernald and Erica Rhodes to read bizarre local crime reports from Twitter. (3:49)

POLICE SCANNERS AREN'T JUST FORYOUR NOSEY UNCLE WHO KEEPS TRACK

OF WHAT HIS LOCAL METH HEADS AREUP TO ANYMORE.

THANKS TO TWITTER, WE CAN NOWSTAY UP TO DATE ON THE MOST

BIZARRE, HALF-NAKED CRIMESOVERHEARD ON POLICE RADIOS.

BUT TO INFUSE SOME GRITTYREALISM TO THE LOCAL REPORTS OF

STREAKERS AND STROKERS, WE NEEDSOMEONE WITH GRAVITAS AND YEARS

OF EXPERIENCE ON THE FORCE.

THAT IS WHY RIGHT NOW, WE'REBRINGING OUT THE BIG GUNS.

PLEASE WELCOME PROFESSIONALPOLICE OFFICER-PRETENDER MICHAEL

CHIKLIS!

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)NICE TO SEE YOU, MICHAEL

CHIKLIS.

>> GOOD TO BE SEEN.

>> HARDWICK: NOW COMEDIANS,MICHAEL CHIKLIS IS GONNA READ A

TWEET FROM SOMEONE LISTENING TOTHEIR LOCAL POLICE SCANNER, AND

FOR 100 POINTS, I WOULD LIKE YOUTO TELL ME HOW THE CRIME PANNED

OUT.

FIRST UP-- FROM SURREY,BRITISH COLUMBIA.

>> "CREWS RESPONDING TO BEARCREEK PARK.

MALE REPORTING A BEAR CHARGEDHIM AND STOLE HIS PIZZA."

>> HARDWICK: AH.

(LAUGHTER)WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. ERICA.

>> THE NEW SETH ROGEN MOVIE'SOFF TO A GREAT START.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)POINTS. NATE.

>> UH, WE FINALLY GOT AN ANSWERTO THE QUESTION, "DOES A BEAR

SHIT IN THE WOODS?"(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: MM-HMM, YEAH.

POINTS.

ALI.

>> I SEE THAT MY HAIRY COUSIN ISUP TO THE OLD, EMPTY PIZZA-BOX

TRICK AGAIN.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)NEXT ONE.

THIS ONE FROM PORTLAND.

>> "POLICE ENROUTE TO SE 148DIVISION-POWELL FOR A GUY

STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THEROAD WAVING A TOWEL LIKE A

BULLFIGHTER AT CARS."

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: SURE.

VERY PORTLAND.

IF YOU'VE BEEN THERE, YOU GETIT.

ALI.

>> DALLAS COWBOY FANS AREEVERYWHERE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)NATE.

>> THIS IS PORTLAND, SO THAT'SACTUALLY JUST THE MAYOR. YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: IT IS. YEAH, YEAH.

(LAUGHTER)POINTS. ERICA RHODES.

>> HE'S BEEN HIRED AS THE NEWSECRETARY OF MENTAL HEALTH UNDER

TRUMP.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING, APPLAUSE)NEXT UP...

THIS IS FROM BELLINGHAM,WASHINGTON, KEEPING IT PACIFIC

NORTHWEST.

>> "FOUND: MARIJUANA IN THELAUNDRY ROOM OF A RETIREMENT

HOME."

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

NATE.

>> UH, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER,POLICE ACTUALLY BELIEVED THE

EXCUSE, "AH, IT'S FOR MYGLAUCOMA."

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)IT'S THE ONLY LEGITIMATE MEDICAL

MARIJUANA CARD...

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: ...IN THE ENTIREWORLD. ERICA.

>> SETH ROGEN SEQUEL OFF TO AGREAT START.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. ALI.

>> PAPA AND GRANDPAPA WEREROLLING STONES ON THE WAY TO

BINGO.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

VERY GOOD.

LAST ONE FROM...

(IN SILLY VOICE): SHEBOYGAN!

>> SHEBOYGAN?

>> HARDWICK: (IN SILLY VOICE):SHEBOYGAN!

(LAUGHTER)>> I JUST...

>> HARDWICK: COME ON, TRY ITONCE, MICHAEL CHIKLIS.

(IN SILLY VOICE): SHEBOYGAN!

>> (IN SILLY VOICE): SHEBOYGAN!

>> HARDWICK: SEE HOW MUCH BETTERYOU FEEL NOW?

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> SHUT THE FUCK UP.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY. SORRY.

(LAUGHTER)I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT.

I WAS OUT OF LINE THERE.

>> "1300 BLOCK OF NORTH FOURTHSTREET.

MAN HAS SWOLLEN GENITALIA."

>> HARDWICK: UH.

>> OH, THAT POOR BASTARD.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: AH, WE'VE ALL BEEN

THERE. NATE.

>> SHOTS FIRED. OFFICER DOWN.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> WOW.

WOW.

>> HARDWICK: THAT IS THE END OFLOCO POLICE SCANNER.

MICHAEL CHIKLIS, DO YOU WANT TOSTICK AROUND FOR A BIT?

>> NO, I CAN'T STICK AROUND.

I HAVE TO GO BEAT THE SHIT OUTOF A HOBO.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?!

>> YEAH, I CAUGHT HIM TAKING ALEAK IN MY BIRDBATH.

>> HARDWICK: SO YOU'RE GONNAGO... RIGHT NOW YOU'RE GONNA

LEAVE THIS STAGE AND GO TRACKDOWN A HOBO?

>> NAH, I HAVE HIM HANDCUFFED INTHE BACK OF MY VAN.

>> HARDWICK: OH.

>> I JUST HAD TO COME IN HEREAND DEAL WITH THIS SHIT FIRST.

NOW I'M GONNA GO DEAL WITH THATMOTHERFUCKER.

>> HARDWICK: MICHAEL CHIKLIS!

FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER@MICHAELCHIKLIS.

(APPLAUSE)HE'S BETTER THAN WE ARE.

HE IS BETTER.

I LOVE THAT MAN.

I LOVE THAT MAN!