Daniel Tosh - Cargo Pant Day

  • Season 7 , Ep 23
  • 07/24/2003
  • Views: 95,364

You can use cargo pants to carry around all of your change. (1:19)

OF CARGO PANTS.

I DON'T EVEN CARGO.

YEAH.

THEY DON'T EVEN CHECK AT

THE REGISTER.

ANYBODY CAN BUY THOSE.

THEY GOT ALL THE POCKETS

DOWN THE LEG.

THEN ONE DAY I'M WALKING DOWN

THE STREET, AND I SAID TO

MYSELF, "DANIEL, THIS IS NOT

HOW YOUR FATHER RAISED YOU.

YOU'RE WASTIN' SPACE."

SO I STARTED TO COLLECT CHANGE

FROM THAT DAY FORWARD.

YEAH.

I HAVE A FIVE GALLON JAR AT MY

HOUSE LIKE TO FILL WITH CHANGE.

I DON'T STOP TILL I REACH

THE TIPTOP.

AND THEN A LITTLE BELL GOES OFF,

AND I KNOW CARGO PANT DAY IS

HERE AT LAST.

AND I DANCE.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH.

AND I PUT THE CARGO PANTS ON

WITH A BELT, EXTRA TIGHT

BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA HAVE

AN EMBARRASSING SITUATION

ON SUCH A GREAT DAY.

AND I FILL UP ALL THE POCKETS

WITH THE CHANGE.

AND THEN I GET A CAR ALARM.

NOT A CAR ALARM WITH A CAR,

JUST THE CAR ALARM.

AND I HOLD IT TO MY CHEST REALLY

CLOSELY.

AND THEN I GO WALK AROUND

THE STREETS OF MANHATTAN,

AND I WAIT FOR THE FIRST

HOMELESS PERSON TO COME UP TO ME

AND SAY, "HEY, YOU GOT ANY SPARE

CHANGE?"

THEN I SET THE CAR ALARM OFF.

[CAR ALARM SOUNDING]

YOU HIT THE JACKPOT, MOFO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OH, AND THEN I START THROWIN'

ALL THE CHANGE.

AND THAT HURTS.

BUT HE DOESN'T CARE BECAUSE

HE WON.

SO HE'S JUMPIN' UP AND DOWN.

"I WON!

I WON!

CALL THE PIT BOSS."

AND I'M LIKE, "CALM DOWN,

SMELLY.

I DON'T HAVE TO."

IT'S UNDER $400.

AND THAT'S HOW OKTOBERFEST

STARTED.

[LAUGHTER]

YES.

THAT IS A TRUE STORY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

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