Kurt Metzger - Ethiopian Food

  • Season 13 , Ep 1
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 160,300

Kurt Metzger didn't even know they had Ethiopian restaurants. (2:49)

MM-HMM.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

HOW ARE YOU GUYS?ARE YOU GUYS GOOD?

HOW WAS YOUR --HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE THE MOSTABOUT LIVING IN NEW YORK?

WE HAVE EVERY KIND OF FOOD HEREFROM AROUND THE WORLD.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

WE HAVE EVERYTHING --

LIKE, STUFF YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOWYOU COULD GET.

MY FRIEND JUST TOOK METO AN ETHIOPIAN RESTAURANT,

WHICH, LIKE, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOWTHAT THEY HAD THAT.

I THOUGHT THATTHAT WAS THEIR MAIN PROBLEM

WAS THAT THEY DID NOT HAVECOOKING.

BUT THEY TOTALLY DO.

AND IT'S NOT EVENHOW YOU THINK IT'S GONNA BE,

WHEN YOU JUST SIT AND WAITFOR YOUR DINNER

TO BE DONATEDBY MORE PROSPEROUS RESTAURANTS.

IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.

THEY HAVE MADETHEIR OWN KIND OF FOOD.

IT'S A LOT OF MUSHY [BLEEP]WITH RAISINS IN IT.

IT'S NOT THAT GOOD.

JUST RAISINSALL SCATTERED OUT,

LIKE LITTLE TURDS OFDISAPPOINTMENT WAITING FOR YOU.

THEY PROBABLY HAD THAT FOODTHE WHOLE TIME.

THEY DIDN'T WANT TO EAT IT.THAT'S MY GUESS.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSEWE HAVE IN NEW YORK?

THE BODIES EXHIBIT.

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT --THE BODIES EXHIBIT?

I HAVE NOT.

I HAVE NOT SEEN THAT YETBECAUSE IT'S MADE OUT OF BODIES,

AND I'M NOT A CREEPLIKE YOU ARE, APPARENTLY.

THIS -- THIS IS HOWIT WAS DESCRIBED TO ME.

MY BUDDY GOES, "YEAH, THISARTIST SKINNED THESE BODIES

"AND THEN INJECTED THEM

"WITH SOME KIND OF WEIRD PLASTICHE INVENTED,

AND THEN CUT THEM UPAND PUT THEM ON DISPLAY."

AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD,DID THEY CATCH THAT GUY?

THAT SOUNDS LIKEA TERRIBLE CRIME."

HE'S LIKE,"NO, IT'S NOT A CRIME.

IT'S AN EXHIBIT YOU LOOK ATWITH YOUR FAMILY."

THOSE ARE CHINESE PRISONERS,THOSE BODIES.

YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

THAT'S NOT OKAY!

SOME CHINESE GUY GOT CAUGHTGOOGLING THE WORD "FREEDOM,"

AND NOW...HE'S IN, UH...YEAH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THEY GOT HIM DOWN THEREIN THREE SECTIONS,

POSED LIKE HE'S PLAYINGULTIMATE FRISBEE,

AND YOU JUST WALK IN THERE,LAUGHING AT HIS LITTLE WIENER.

THAT'S HOW YOU DECIDETO HANDLE IT.

LIKE, "LOOK AT THAT --THEY REALLY ARE CHINESE."

YOU GUYS ARE JERKS.THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.

ARE ALL THEIR WIENERSREALLY THAT SMALL?

IS THAT REALLY TRUE,THAT THEY HAVE --

THAT ASIANSHAVE THE LITTLEST WIENERS?

ARE YOU APPLAUDING THAT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE ONLY REASONI EVER THOUGHT THAT

IS BECAUSE I WATCH A LOTOF ASIAN PORNOGRAPHY,

AND THEY'RE VERY SMALL IN THOSE,

AND THOSE --THAT'S THEIR PORNO WIENER!

THAT'S -- THAT'S THE BESTAND THE BRIGHTEST

OF THEIR NATIONAL WIENERS!

THAT, LIKE...

SOME DIRECTOR SAW THAT, HE'SLIKE, "OH, MY GOD, FOUR INCHES

"AND SHAPED LIKE A WEIRDTRAVEL DEODORANT LIKE WE LOVE!

I GOT TO START BLOCKING THATRIGHT NOW!"

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

I APOLOGIZE.

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