Matt Fulchiron - Dial Tone

Burr, Fox, Fulchiron, Bjorgen, Lenox, Rontowski, Johnagin Season 1, Ep 5 08/10/2006 Views: 4,079

If you hear a dial tone, it's because the comedy is off the hook. (2:14)

to ( bleep ) through this.

I hope that's cool.


Bill-Bill should have warnedyou guys, uh,

you might hear a dial tonewhile I'm up here.

If you do hear a dial tone,

it's just 'cause my comedyis off ( bleep ) hook.

What's up, dude?

( applause and cheering )

Like, what's up right now?

'Cause, uh, and my ex-girlfriend--

you know,we used to fight,

when we were going out,all the time.

Like, uh, like one nightwe were going out to dinner,

and, like, I'm not alwaysdressed this nice.

You know what I mean? Like...

I got on the, uh,the suit today, 'cause

I'm on TV right now.

You know what I'm saying?

I am, I'm totallyon TV right now.

( laughter )

Um... but, uh, like,we were going out to dinner,

and I was wearing this, uh,this blue windbreaker

that I look really handsome in.

You know what I mean?Like-like...

Like, this windbreakerreally brings out the nylon

in my eyes,you know what I mean?

But she's, like...she's, like,

"Matt, can you change?"

She goes,"We're going out to dinner.

You're dressedlike a gas station attendant."

I was, like,"Oh, that's funny,

"'cause, uh, I didn't hear youcomplaining last night

when I was topping offthe tank."

( laughter )

Ha, ha. Using the, uh...

the self-service pumpthat night.


( laughter )

It's a masturbation joke.

Why not?

Bill, is there... is thereinsurance on this stage?

'Cause I'm ripping this bitchto pieces, dude. I...

( applause and cheering )

( audience whooping )I...

I can't afford to pay for it.

I, uh...

I went... I went on a datewith this one girl,

and she was wearing a skirt

and a pair of jeansunder the skirt.

It was likeshe was saying to me,

"Hey, Matt, here's two things

you're not gettinginto tonight."

( applause )

I wrote that jokeon a deposit slip,

'cause ( bleep )is money in the bank.

What's up, bitches?

Like, what's up right now,Manhattan?

If that's even your real name.

What's up?