John Oliver - Pigeon Indoors

Mike Lawrence, Andy Zaltzman, Kurt Braunohler, David O'Doherty Season 3, Ep 4 08/10/2012 Views: 51,821

John Oliver encountered a pigeon who had an overwhelming amount of confidence. (2:56)

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an airport recently.

I took... fly out of NewarkAirport on the 23rd of December

which was a very bad idea.

Too many people in too smalla space.

Angry without being able toproperly articulate why.

Just a whole atmosphereof aggression

and hatred everywhere.

People staring at the floorand I joined them.

I was staring at thefloor too, angrily.

And then, right in front of myfeet... a pigeon walks past.

Somehow a pigeon had gotinside the departure gates

and was just walkingaround, just...

with absolute confidence.

Not flying. At no pointdid that pigeon fly.

Just walking with completeconfidence.

So confident, it was makingother people look away first.

It just...

So confident, part of me waswondering whether

it was aboutto try and catch a flight.

I wouldn't have been thatsurprised if he just waddled

over to a desk and said,

"any news on the440 to Cleveland?"

"Delayed again?[bleep] Delta!

"Why do I do this to myself?

"I can fly.

This makes no sense."

But then, slowly, a miracletook place because

people started looking atthis pigeon and smiling.

And they're laughing andthey're talking to strangers

saying, "have you seen thepigeon yet?

"There's a pigeon inside!It's not flying...

"You've got to see the pigeon.Make sure you see the pigeon!"

They were filming it on theircell phones and texting

the footage to their loved ones

and all of a sudden theatmosphere everywhere

was warm and loving andinviting and I thought,

is this how close we are togetting along as a species?

A pigeon being somewhere it'snot supposed to be.

Have we always been thattantalizingly close

to everything being okay?

I think we might have beenand it's gotta be worth a go.

Next time there's a Middle EastPeace Summit at the U.N.,

let's get Netanyahuand Abbas in a room,

shove a pigeon in there, slamthe door behind it and

have it just walk around.

"Oi, oi...

"guess who's somewhere they'renot supposed to be, huh?"

It's gotta be a two-statesolution, chaps, doesn't it?

It just has to be.

Seems like the only workableway forward at this stage.

"Hey, which one of you wantsto see me peck a Dorito?


"Which one of you liked that?Exactly! You both did.

"You're not that different.That's what I'm saying."

I know things seem bad inAmerica at the moment.