Todd Glass - Rationalizing with Kids

  • Season 5 , Ep 16
  • 10/14/2001
  • Views: 4,375

People don't catch the part just before parents start screaming at their kids. (2:02)

TO SETTLE DOWN AND HAVE A

FAMILY.

I UNDERSTAND...

(LAUGHTER)

BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP,

IT'S GREAT, YOU KNOW?

IT'S FUN TO ARGUE, YOU KNOW WHAT

I MEAN?

YOU EVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP

YOU ARGUE SO MUCH THAT'S HOW YOU

REMEMBER WHERE YOU ARE?

DIDN'T WE ARGUE HERE ONCE,

SERIOUSLY?

DIDN'T YOU THREATEN TO WALK

HOME.

DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE

THAT?

MY DAD USE TO ALWAYS THREATEN

TO TURN THE CAR AROUND.

I'LL TURN THE CAR AROUND!

WE'RE HALF WAY TO FLORIDA,

GO AHEAD I DARE YA!

BWAK, BWAK, BWAK.

MY DAD WAS ALWAYS IN THE WRONG

BUSINESS, WHATEVER I WANTED.

TO GET A BIKE.

(IMITATING DAD) 180 BUCKS

FOR A BIKE?

I MUST BE IN THE WRONG BUSINESS.

WHATEVER I WANTED, LOOSE LEAF

PAPER.

3$.

I MUST BE IN THE WRONG BUSINESS.

ONE TIME I SNUCK A HOOKER HOME,

HE OVER HEARD HER CHARGING ME.

180 BUCKS?

I MUST BE IN THE WRONG BUSINESS

AND I KEEP DOING THE BIT OVER

AND OVER AND OVER.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

I HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT

IT'S LIKE TO RAISE CHILDREN.

A LOT OF MY FRIENDS DON'T.

ONE OF MY FRIENDS, HE'S LIKE IF

I HAD KIDS, I'D BE PATIENT WITH

THEM TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY.

REALLY?

I CAN'T WAIT TILL HE HAS KIDS,

YOU KNOW, THE SAME GUY AT THE

MALL.

I SAID YOU'RE NOT GETTING A

LARGE!

YOU GET A SMALL OR YOU DON'T GET

ANYTHING!

THE PROBLEM WITH HAVING KIDS ARE

NO ONE SEES WHEN YOU RATIONALIZE

WITH YOUR KIDS.

THEY DON'T CATCH THAT PART.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU'RE AT THE MALL AND YOUR KIDS

LIKE I WANNA LARGE AND YOU GO

LISTEN, TYLER, YOU GET A SMALL

AND IF YOU FINISH THE SMALL YOU

CAN GET ANOTHER SMALL.

"BUT I WANTED TO GET A LARGE!"

LISTEN.

DADDY DOESN'T WANT TO YELL AT

YOU, CAUSE HE LOVES YOU, IF YOU

GET A SMALL...

"BUT I WANT A LARGE!"

LISTEN.

DON'T CRY BECAUSE DADDY GETS

UPSET AND HE...

"BUT I WANNA GET A..."

AND THEN HERE'S WHEN THE PEOPLE

WALK IN.

YOUR NOT GETTIN' A LARGE YOU

LITTLE PIECE OF (BLEEP)!

AND NOW YOUR MAD BECAUSE

EVERYONE THINKS YOU'RE CRAZY.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW YOU'RE EVEN MORE MAD.

NOW YOU'RE LIKE, HEY, EVERYBODY,

I'M NOT NUTS!

I AM NOT NUTS, I LOVE MY KID!

HE'S A BUTTON PUSHIN',

MANIPULITIVE, PIECE OF (BLEEP)!

(LAUGHTER)

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