Nick Swardson - Douchey Nightclubs

Nick Swardson: Taste It Season 1, Ep 1 05/30/2015 Views: 10,410

Nick Swardson explains why he hates almost every aspect of going out to a nightclub. (2:01)

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I don't like nightclubs,it's not my thing.

going to a nightclub.

[imitating thumping bass]

I'm like, "I love that song."

[imitating thumping bass]

Can I get a beer?[imitating thumping bass]

How much? 400 bucks?Cool.

[imitating thumping bass]

I don't like dress codes,all right?

I don't like people telling mehow to dress when I go out.

[cheers and applause]

No, no.You don't have to applaud.

But yeah, no, it sucks.

Like, door guys,I love when they all--

Like, if you do go to a club,they always get aggro.

They have, like, their headset.

They're like--you walk up,they're like,

"Yeah, nope.

"Yeah, that's not--yeah.

"Yeah, okay.Yeah, no.

Yeah, so, okay?Yeah, no."

They're like,"Nope, no baseball hats.

"Maybe wear a button-down,

maybe some khakis,maybe some dress shoes."

I'm like, "Cool.

I'm not going to my mom's houseon Easter."

I'm going to, like, this doucheyclub I didn't want to be at.

And then when you go insidethese places, which is funny,

is you see people dress upreally nice, nice suits,

but they're not treatingtheir clothes any better.

You know what I mean?Like, it's not like

they're being, like, careful.

And I'm always like,yeah, I'm sure

that's what Georgio Armanihad in mind

when he made that suit,that $1,000 suit.

I'm sure he's like,"I make the finest suit.

"You wear it to the club.

"You do a Jaeger bomb.You spill!

"Then you puke.

"Then you do cocaineand you wake up!

"You grab your girl, then shepukes and pees down your back.

That is what I wantfor my suit."

[cheers and applause]