Corey Holcomb - Your House

Martin, Holcomb, Bergreen, The Amazing Johnathan Season 4, Ep 0401 01/01/2001 Views: 13,057

Corey Holcomb describes how marriage works. (2:35)

THAT'S WHAT MEN THINK ABOUT.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU, LADIES.

I KNOW-- I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW

WHENEVER A MAN IS IN YOUR FACE,

HE'S THINKING ABOUT SEX.

BELIEVE ME.

DON'T LET HIM FOOL YOU.

I KNOW YOU GOT THE PHONY GUYS

THAT COME ACROSS LIKE,

"I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND."

NO, NO, NO.

HE WANTS SEX AND THAT'S ALL--

THAT'S ALL OUR MIND CAN THINK

ABOUT UNTIL WE GET IT: SEX.

THIS IS HOW YOU LOOK WHEN

TALKING TO US BEFORE WE HAVE HAD

SEX WITH YOU, LADIES.

(MOUTHING)

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

ANYWAY.

SO...

(LAUGHS)

ANYWAY.

THERE'S SO MUCH I HAVE TO TELL

THE LADIES.

I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW,

I'M NOT CONFUSED UP HERE.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT.

SEE, I'M NOT LIKE THE AVERAGE

GUY.

I DON'T WANT A WOMAN WITH HOPES

AND DREAMS.

YOU KNOW.

HOW ARE WE GONNA HAVE A

PRODUCTIVE RELATIONSHIP AND YOU

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?

(LAUGHTER)

YOU'RE WASTING BOTH OF OUR TIME

AGAIN.

ANOTHER THING.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL THE GUYS THAT

GOT MARRIED, YOU KNOW, THAT DATE

THAT WENT ALL THE WAY.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

HOPE YOU GOT THE RIGHT WOMAN,

'CAUSE MARRIAGE-- MARRIAGE IS A

TRIP NOWADAYS.

ONCE YOU GET MARRIED, YOU'RE

BASICALLY SIGNING ALL YOUR

RIGHTS OVER TO THE WOMAN.

I'M TELLING YOU.

(WOMEN CHEERING)

LOOK AT THE LADIES.

THEY LIKE THAT.

YOU GET MARRIED, YOU JUST SIGNED

ALL YOUR RIGHTS OVER TO HER.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,

LET SOMETHING GO WRONG WITH

THE MARRIAGE.

I GUARANTEE CHANCES ARE YOU'RE

GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT OF YOUR

HOUSE.

I KNOW IT'S YOUR HOUSE AND YOU

BOUGHT IT.

BUT, UM-- (LAUGHS)--

WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE IS THAT'S

HER HOUSE AND SHE'S BASICALLY

LETTING YOU LIVE THERE WHILE

THINGS ARE GOING OKAY.

BECAUSE THE COURTS GIVE THE

WOMAN THE HOUSE, AND I'M TELLING

YOU, FELLAS.

YOU GOT TO GET OUT AND THEN YOU

COME PICK THE KIDS UP A YEAR

LATER AND SOMEBODY LIKE ME

ANSWERS THE DOOR.

(LAUGHTER)

I AIN'T NO GOOD, EITHER.

"HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?

HEY, YOU WANT TO SHOOT SOME

POOL?

THERE WAS A POOL TABLE IN HERE

WHEN I MOVED IN LAST WEEK.

YEAH, I DID A NICE JOB AROUND

HERE, MAN.

I'M JUST PLAYING WITH YOU.

YOU HERE TO PICK THE KIDS UP;

RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.

HOLD ON.

WAIT RIGHT THERE.

HEY, COME HERE, MARY.

YOUR DADDY'S GONNA TAKE YOU OUT

SOMEWHERE.

NOT ME, YOUR REAL DADDY.

DON'T ACT LIKE THAT.

I THINK MAMA (BLEEP) THEM RIGHT.

(LAUGHING)

OH, YOUR SON?

NO.

HE CAN'T GO NOWHERE TILL HE

FINISH CUTTING THE GRASS, MAN.

HEY, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE IN A

HURRY.

HE GOT THINGS TO DO AROUND HERE,

MAN.

HE HAS RESPONSIBILITIES.

CALM DOWN, MAN.

I'M TELLING-- CALM.

I TELL YOU WHAT.

I TELL YOU WHAT.

LOOK.

YOU CAN GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IF

YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE WAY