Dan Soder - Don't Trust Children

Ron Funches, Mark Forward, Dan Soder Season 4, Ep 6 08/30/2013 Views: 14,794

Dan Soder used to like children, but he does not care for the 2013 model. (2:07)

Oh, hello, everybody.

How are you guys?


Let you know,in case you were wondering,

I do not have children.

Aww. I don't trust them.

They have sticky handsand they're full of lies.

You call it imagination.I call it bull[BLEEP].

That's what I call it.

I just don't--I don't trust them.

The main reasonI don't trust them, actually,

is just becausetheir parents are my friends,

and they shouldn'tbe breeding.

They're animals.

And ultimately that'sthe generat--

Like, this new version,the 2013 model?

No, thank you.

Because thisis the generation

that's going to haveto defend us against China.

Do you feel safe?

Feel safe knowing that?

We're going to havea whole army that's like,

"I would storm the beach,but I have a shellfish allergy."

Feel comfortableknowing that?

In 20 years, an entire militarythat can get wiped out

with a bag of gluten.

It's not going to beatsuper power China.

They do calisthenicsevery morning.

I don't know. I just feel likewe're treating them soft.

We're-- We're--We're treating them too soft.

Like, I went to my cousin'sson's soccer game a month ago,

and I was therefor a half-hour.

Finally askedone of the parents.

I go, "Hey, excuse me,uh, what's the score?"

And she looked up from heriPhone all proud of herself.

She was like,"Um, we stopped doing that."

You stopped doing what?

We stopped keeping score.

It's bad for theirconfidence.

[BLEEP] you, lady.

I got money on this game.

You think I just showed upto a park on a Saturday for fun?

I put 300on that orange team.

I got some dangerous peoplelooking for me,

and I need to makesome money.