Judy Gold - Family Therapy

Dana Gould & Judy Gold Season 1, Ep 0123 02/24/1992 Views: 6,237

Judy went to family therapy because her mother was going through menopause. (2:19)

I AM NOT A TRANSVESTITE.

( laughter )

NO, EVERYONE THINKSI'M A TRANSVESTITE.

YESTERDAY, I WENT TO THE GYM

THIS NAKED WOMANHIDES BEHIND HER LOCKER.

THEN SHE LOOKS AT ME, SHE GOES

"OH, SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WEREA MAN... HA-HA-HA-HA!"

SO I WHIPPED IT OUT,YOU KNOW, I...

( laughter )

SHOWED HER MY GYM I.D. CARDWITH MY PICTURE ON IT.

( hisses )

( laughter )

IT IS REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE.

ACTUALLY, I'M HERE TAPINGANOTHER SHOW IN CALIFORNIA:

NOVA-- THEY'RE DOING A SPECIALON AMAZON COMEDIENNES.

I THINK IT'S GOING TO BEA NICE TV CREDIT.

YOU LIKE MY CURL?

MAYBE I'LL TOUCH YOUR BUTTWITH IT LATER.

ACTUALLY, THE REASONI HAVE THE CURL--

I LIVE IN A FANTASY WORLD,I LOVED THE '60s.

IF I HAD MY OWN TV SHOWIN THE '60s

IT WOULD OPEN UPWITH A BIG THEME SONG:

♪ IT'S JUDY'S SHOW!

AND THEN A BIG SPIT CURLWOULD COME DOWN

I'D COME SLIDING DOWN IT,HANGING ON THE END WAVING.

♪ IT'S JUDY'S SHOW!

( clapping )

ALL RIGHT, ACTUALLY, THERE'SA BIG PIMPLE UNDERNEATH THERE.

I ENJOY BEING TALL.

I REACHED THIS HEIGHT,I WAS 13 YEARS OLD.

I'M WALKING DOWN THE HALLSOF GRAMMAR SCHOOL

EVERYONE'S CALLING ME SASQUATCH.

THEN I'D GO HOME TO MY MOTHER.

"MOM, ALL THE KIDSARE PICKING ON ME IN SCHOOL.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

"JUDITH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,THEY'RE JEALOUS OF YOU.

"GO UPSTAIRS, PUT ONYOUR FATHER'S CLOTHES

LEAVE ME ALONE,GET AWAY FROM HERE PLEASE."

WE WENT TO FAMILY THERAPY

BECAUSE MY MOTHERWAS GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE

AND SHE WOULD CRY ALL THE TIME.

SHE'D BE ON THE COUCHCRYING AND KNITTING.

WE'D GET INTHESE HUGE ARGUMENTS.

WE NEVER TALKED TO EACH OTHER.

WE COMMUNICATED BY PUTTINGANN LANDERS ARTICLES

ON THE REFRIGERATOR.

MOTHER ALWAYS CRYINGTO MAKE US FEEL GUILTY.

SHE'D BE DOING THE DISHES...

THEN WE'D ASK HERWHAT SHE WANTED FOR HER BIRTHDAY

SHE'D SAY THE SAME THINGEVERY YEAR:

"I WANT YOU KIDS TO GET ALONG.

ALL I WANTIS PEACE IN THIS HOUSE!"

( laughter )

( applause )

BUT WE SAVEDA LOT OF MONEY ON GIFTS.

SHE JUST WROTE HERAUTOBIOGRAPHY, TOO, MY MOTHER.

IT'S ENTITLED I CAME, I SAW, I CRITICIZED.

SO PLEASE PICK THAT UP,IT IS AN EXCELLENT BOOK.