Esther Povitsky - Figuring Out the Attractiveness Scale

  • Season 1, Ep 8
  • 12/19/2013
  • Views: 13,197

People tell Esther Povitsky that she looks like a 12-year-old, but she has physical proof that she's actually much more mature. (2:17)

AND, UH, I'VE BEEN STRUGGLINGA LOT WITH FIGURING OUT

WHERE I STANDON THE ATTRACTIVENESS SCALE.

AND I'VE REALIZED I AM

A SEVEN OUT OF TENIN THE MIDWEST.

UM, I'M, LIKE, A SIXON THE EAST COAST.

AND THEN HEREIN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA,

I'M A COCKER SPANIEL.

A LOT OF PEOPLE,WHEN THEY FIRST MEET ME,

THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, MYGOD, ESTHER, YOU'RE SO YOUNG.

YOU'RE, LIKE,12 YEARS OLD."

I'M LIKE, "EXCUSE ME, UM,

"DO REAL 12-YEAR-OLDSHAVE MUSTACHES?

"NO, THEY DON'T, OKAY?

"I DO. THANK YOU.

I'VE BEEN USING MY FATHER'SRAZOR FOR YEARS."

HOWEVER, I DON'T REALLY GROOM,NECESSARILY, MY WHOLE BODY.

I HAVE LEG HAIRALL OVER MY LEGS.

I HAVE LEG HAIRALL OVER MY CHEST.

IT'S JUST--IT'S NOTA BIG DEAL TO ME.

I FEEL LIKE ONCE WE'RE ON A DATEAND WE'RE NAKED TOGETHER,

WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO?YOU KNOW?

YOU'VE PASSEDTHE POINT OF NO RETURN.

ACTUALLY, I'M PRETTY SUREYOU CROSSED THAT LINE

WHEN YOU BOUGHT ME A BROWNIESUNDAE AT RUBY TUESDAY'S.

YOU'RE IN IT TO WIN IT.[purrs]

I DO HAVE AN EATING DISORDER.I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S CALLED.

IT'S NOT ANOREXIA,

'CAUSE THAT WOULDMAKE ME SO HOT.

IT'S NOT BULIMIA, 'CAUSE I WOULDNEVER THROW MY FOOD UP,

'CAUSE ONCE YOU THROW IT UP,

YOU CAN NEVER EAT IT AGAIN,AND THAT'S CRAZY.

WHAT'S THE ONEWHERE EVERY TIME

YOU SEE A GIRLWHO'S PRETTIER THAN YOU,

YOU EAT NUTELLAOUT OF THE JAR WITH YOUR HANDS?

AND THEN YOUTEXT AN EX-BOYFRIEND

A PICTURE OF YOUR ASS?

THAT'S THE EATING DISORDERI HAVE.

I ALSO LIKETO THROW FOOD PARTIES.

THAT'S WHEN YOU THROW A PARTYAND YOU ONLY INVITE FOOD.

[cheers and applause]YEAH. YEAH.

THANK YOU.

USUALLY HAPPENS IN MY CARAROUND MIDNIGHT.

IT'S AMAZING.

THIS IS WHAT MY STOMACHLOOKS LIKE.

I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.[audience cheers]

[chuckles]THANK YOU.

IT IS LEGALLY A BABY BUMP.

BUT, UM, IT'S NOT.I'M NOT PREGNANT.

THERE'S JUST NO MORNING-AFTERPILL FOR EATING A DOZEN DONUTS.

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