Extended - #HashtagWars - #SexyAthletes - Uncensored

Extended - Thursday, August 11, 2016 - Uncensored 08/11/2016 Views: 378

Things are getting hot and heavy in Rio, so Kurt Metzger, Annie Lederman and Al Jackson make up raunchy names for professional athletes. (2:01)

Now it's time for #HashtagWars.

(applause and cheering)

Every four years, the Summer

Olympics asks the question,

"What happens when you bring

together all the world's finest

athletes, emphasis on 'the

fine'?"

The answer: So much fucking.

(laughing)

And a little bit of sucking.

To get ready for more fucking.

"USA Today" reports that the

athletes at Rio's Olympic

Village have been provided with

a record-breaking 450,000

condoms.

That's enough for each athlete

to use two condoms per day,

every single day.

In other words, the Olympic

rowers can use one for sex, and

one to make sure they don't get

a mouthful of poison water.

(audience groans)

(scattered applause)

So in honor of those promiscuous

competitors, tonight's hashtag

is #SexyAthletes.

>> I have a question.

>> HARDWICK: Yeah.

>> Don't they want these people

to fuck and have more kids?

Like, Olympians fucking

Olympians?

Make super people.

>> Not there.

>> HARDWICK: I don't know if you

know what's happening in Rio,

but not now.

>> Not there.

Not there.

>> HARDWICK: Not there.

>> What are you, a bug chaser?

All right, let's do this.

>> HARDWICK: Examples of this

might be, uh, "Tim Teabag," and

"Two in the Pink, One in the

Gronk."

I'm going to put 60 seconds on

the clock, and begin.

(bell dings)

Annie.

>> Kristi Yamacoochie.

>> HARDWICK: Points.

Kurt.

>> Greg Lube-anus.

>> HARDWICK: Points.

Al.

>> Pounda Rousey.

>> HARDWICK: Points.

Annie.

>> Jackie Throbinson.

>> HARDWICK (laughing): Points.

Annie.

>> Blow Jackson.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Kurt.

>> Penis and Vagina Williams.

>> HARDWICK: Points.

Annie.

>> Apolo Ohno This Has Never

Happened Before.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Al.

>> Hope I Masturbatesolo.

>> HARDWICK: Points.

Kurt.

>> Oscar Pissedonyourchest.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Al.

>> Kyrie Slurping.

>> HARDWICK: All right. Points.

Annie.

>> The Williams Fisters.

>> HARDWICK: All right. Points.

(buzzer sounds)

Points.