Jay Larson - Scary After Midnight

Jay Larson Season 15, Ep 15 03/11/2011 Views: 11,053

Don't freak out and run for the door, because the man hiding in your shower will stab you in the face. (1:56)

scary after midnight?

Yeah, fact.

Factual information.

[audience laughing]

If your neighbor comes byto borrow a hose at 9:00 PM,

no big deal.

Two thirty in the morning,you're like,

"What the hell do youneed a hose for, bro?

"What do you needa hose for?"

You play the Oujia boardat 11:30 at night,

nothing happens.

2:45 in the morning,that thing is dancin'.

Spelling "Beezlebub,"giving you addresses

in Czechoslovakia somewhere.


[audience laughing]

I was in my bathroomthe other night.

Late, about 1:40.

Lights off.

Shower's behind me.

Water's dripping fromthe faucet slowly like,

"time is passing.

"Time is passing.

"You're scared.

"You're scared.

"Shower's behind you.

"Shower's behind you."

And I was like, "okay.

"I know there's somebodyin my shower right now.

[audience laughing]

"Don't freak out andrun for the door.

"That guy will stabyou in the face.

[audience laughing]

"Just relax, count to three,and then whack that curtain

"as hard asyou can."

[audience laughing]

And I was like,"one, two, three."

And I whacked the curtain,and there was no one there.

[audience laughing]

And I thought,"who is scared now?

"Not me.

"There's nobody in my shower,why would I be scared?"

[audience laughing]

Do you ever go to yourliving room late at night,

looking forthe light switch.

You're like, "just getit before he gets you.

"Just get it beforehe gets you."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]


You just panicand just wait.

You just,like, freeze.

All of a sudden,a butterfly flies by.

You're like, "Nana!

"We're notalone, Nana!"

[audience laughing]

She's like, "Let memake you some eggs."

[audience laughing]

And you're like,"eggs again?"

And she's like,"with hot dogs?"

[audience laughing]

If you never had scrambledeggs with hot dogs as a kid,

you probably hada finished basement.

[audience laughing]

I get it.