John Oliver - German Airport

  • Season 2
  • 03/24/2011
  • Views: 25,563

John is very careful to not get on just any old bus in Germany. He's seen enough Oscar-winning movies to know that. (2:31)

I AM ABSOLUTELY THRILLEDTO BE HERE,

AND LET ME TELL YOUSPECIFICALLY WHY.

BECAUSE RECENTLYI WAS STUCK FOR THREE DAYS

IN HANOVER, GERMANY.

I WAS TRYING TO FLY TO ENGLANDIN THE MIDDLE OF A SNOWSTORM,

AND WE WERE ABOUTHALF AN HOUR OUT

OF HEATHROW AIRPORTIN LONDON.

YOU COULD SEE ON THE LITTLE MAPWHERE THE PLANE WAS.

AND SUDDENLY,WE BANKED SHARPLY TO THE LEFT

AND WERE DIVERTED.

THE PILOT CAME OVERTHE LOUDSPEAKER,

AND HE SAID, "I'M AFRAIDHEATHROW'S CLOSED.

"HEATHROW'S CLOSED.

I'M GONNA SEEIF WE CAN LAND IN PARIS."

AND I THOUGHT,OOH, LOVELY, PARIS.

OOH, CITY OF LOVERS. WHY NOT?LET'S ALL GO TO PARIS.

LET'S EVERYONE ON THIS PLANEINTRODUCED OURSELVES,

AND LET'S LIVE OUT THE PLOTOF A TERRIBLE ROMANTIC COMEDY.

LET'S ALL GO TO PARIS.IT'S HAPPENING NOW.

AND HE CAME BACK ON."BAD NEWS, PARIS IS CLOSED.

I'M GONNA SEEIF WE CAN IN ICELAND."

AND OH, I THOUGHT,"OOH, ICELAND."

I WOULD NOT ORDINARILY GO THEREUNDER ANY OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES.

LET'S TAKE THIS ADVENTUREUP A NOTCH.

LET'S GO TO ICELAND

AND DO WHATEVER IT ISTHEY DO IN ICELAND.

WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT.

THEN HE CAME BACK ON AND SAID,"BAD NEWS.

"ICELAND IS SHUT NOW,TOO.

I'M ON THE PHONEWITH HANOVER, GERMANY."

ALL I COULD THINK WAS,"PLEASE SAY NO.

"PLEASE SAY NO. PLEASE SAY--LET'S LAND ON THE OCEAN.

YOU CAN DO THAT NOW."

SULLY DID IT.THE RULES HAVE CHANGED.

YOU CAN LAND ON--

WE SHOULD SERIOUSLY THINKABOUT LANDING ON WATER NOW.

BUT THAT WAS 2:30IN THE MORNING.

WE LANDED IN A COMPLETELY CLOSEDHANOVER AIRPORT,

AND A BLOND GERMAN WOMANWITH SPIKY HAIR--

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHYTHAT WAS IMPORTANT,

BUT IT REALLY WAS.

SHE WALKED ONTO THE PLANEAND SAID,

(German accent)"THERE ARE BUSES OUTSIDE

THAT YOU WILL BE LOADED ONTO."

(laughter)

"YOU WILL BE TOLDWHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU

WHEN YOU REACHYOUR DESTINATION."

AND ALL I COULD THINKIN MY HEAD WAS,

"I AM NOT GETTINGONTO THOSE (bleep) BUSES.

"NO, NO.

"I HAVE SEEN TOO MANYOSCAR-WINNING MOVIES.

"I KNOW HOW THIS STORY ENDS.

"I KNOW WHAT YOU DO TO PEOPLETHAT LOOK LIKE ME.

"IF I'M GETTING TO ANY BUS,

"IT IS WITHTHE BLOND FAMILY OVER THERE.

"I'M STAYING CLOSETO THE BLOND PEOPLE.

THE BLOND BUSIS THE ONLY BUS I SHALL TAKE."

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