I REALIZED THAT I HAVEAN IRRATIONAL FEAR OF RATS.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEREWAS GONNA BE

SO MUCH WILDLIFEIN THIS CITY.

[audience laughter]

ONE NIGHT, I WAS WALKIN'HOME REALLY LATE.

I WALKED PAST THISHUGE PILE OF GARBAGE...

AND INSIDE ONEPARTICULAR TRASH BAG,

THERE WAS A WHOLE LOTOF MOVEMENT GOING ON...

INSIDE THE BAG,LIKE REAL AGGRESSIVE,

BUT UNIDENTIFIEDRUSTLING.

I WAS SO FRIGHTENED,MY ONLY THOUGHT WAS,

"OH, MY GOD...I HOPE THAT'S A BABY."

[audience laughter]

"PLEASE, PLEASE JUSTBE A TODDLER IN A BAG."

THAT'S HOW MUCHI HATE RATS.

[audience laughter]

THEY MAKE CHILDENDANGERMENT COMFORTING.

[audience laughter]

[applause]

I SAW A BASEBALL GAME ONCE--IT WAS ALL RIGHT.

THE MOST EXCITINGPART FOR ME WAS, UH,

I FOUND A RESTAURANTAT THIS BALLPARK.

THE RESTAURANT WASCALLED, "CRAZY CRAB'Z."

BUT THEYSPELLED "CRABS"

C-R-A-B APOSTROPHE... Z.

[audience laughter]

APOSTROPHE Z.

HOW DO YOUSIMULTANEOUSLY DISREGARD

AND COMPLYWITH GRAMMAR?

[audience laughter]

WE ALL KNOW, YOUSUBSTITUTE THE Z FOR THE S,

YOU MAKE THAT WORDMORE HIP, MORE EDGY...

BUT FOR CLARIFICATION,THAT EDGINESS IS NOT PLURAL.

[audience laughter]

IT'S POSSESSIVE.

[cheers and applause]

APPARENTLY, YOU DON'T COME HERETO EAT A WHOLE LOT OF CRABS.

YOU COMEHERE BECAUSE

THERE'S ONE CRAZY-ASSCRAB THAT OWNS THIS JOINT.

[audience laughter]

HE'S NUTS.

HE DON'T EVENSERVE SEA FOOD.

IT'S CRAZY CRAB'ZHOUSE OF PRIME RIBS.

[audience laughter]