But this is definitely the most fun job
I've ever had.
It's a good time, but--
I was thinking about it.A friend of mine was like,
"What's the worst jobyou ever had?"
And I'm like,"Probably when I worked
in a greeting card store,all right?"
'Cause all it is all dayis this.
Please kill mewhen you come back.
Okay.Like, it's so boring.
Oh, you know what,I screwed up,
I screwed up, that isn'tthe worst job I ever had.
The worst job I ever hadwas when I was
the shovel fighterin the Ukraine.
Hands down.Hands down.
Oh, like,they take the tarp
off your tentthat's stuck in the mud,
and the sun hits you
like a fire,like you burn.
You haven't been outin the sun for so long,
and you're skinny--I weighed, like, 95 pounds.
I'd been therefor over a year, I think.
Couldn't even count the days,right?
And they give me my shovel,and my hand catches it
in a reflex 'cause it's allI know anymore, right?
And they put mein the pit,
and I'm like,"What am I fighting now?
"A wild boar again?Two guys at once?
I've killed so many.My soul is dead." Right?
And this--I look, and it's Randy.
It's my best friend Randy.
And I knowthe warlord put him there
'cause he wants to killwhat love is left in my heart.
Randy used to draw picturesin the sand with a stick,
and it's the only thingthat would ever make me smile,
and it felt strangeto use those muscles again,
do you know what I mean?
And he looked at mewith eyes of mercy
and saying, "Please,"but, like, not please,
like, "Please, please kill me."
And I hit him.
And I hit him againand again and again.
And I knew he wouldn't get up,but I took the shovel
and put it to his neck,and I looked
at the warlord,and the hand went up,
and the thumb went down.
It always goes down.
And I cut off his head!
Oh, God, Randy.
Oh, God,I'm so sorry.
Yeah, that's definitelythe worst job I ever had.
Worst job ever.
Freaked out everyoneon that one.
That was great.