Jeff Cesario - Marriage

  • Season 9 , Ep 8
  • 03/24/2005
  • Views: 4,603

Jeff's wife doesn't fart. (2:08)

I RECENTLY CELEBRATED MY FOURTH

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED.

[LAUGHTER]

I LOVE MY WIFE MICHELLE.

HERE'S THE COOLEST THING ABOUT

MARRIAGE TO ME.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY WIFE,

I GET TO KEEP THAT FOREVER.

THAT'S MINE TO KEEP FOREVER.

THAT'S LIKE HAVING YOUR FAVORITE

SOFT DRINK TO DRINK FOR THE REST

OF YOUR LIFE.

UNLIMITED SUPPLY.

BUT IT'S MARRIAGE.

IT'S MONOGAMY.

SO IT'S ONLY YOUR FAVORITE

SOFT DRINK TO DRINK FOR THE REST

OF YOUR LIFE.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU LIKE MR. PIBB, YOU GET THE

DRINK ALL THE MR. PIBB YOU WANT.

BUT YOU WAKE UP TEN YEARS

FROM NOW GOING, "YOU KNOW WHAT,

I'D LIKE SOMETHING HOT TO

DRINK."

"WELL, YOU BETTER HEAT UP SOME

MR. PIBB."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO MANY COOL THINGS TO MARRIAGE,

I LOVE IT.

I CAN NOW FART ANYWHERE.

I LOVE THAT.

[LAUGHTER]

MY WIFE HATES THAT.

SHE HATES THAT.

WOMEN HATE THE FARTING.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HATE THE

FARTING.

IT'S MEDICALLY PROVEN.

THEY JUST DID A STUDY AT--

WHO GIVES A [BLEEP]--

HOFSTRA, WHO CARES WHERE THEY

DID THIS STUDY.

THEY DID IT-- IT'S MEDICALLY

BETTER TO PASS THE GAS.

I GUARANTEE IF YOU GUYS FARTED

YOU WOULD GET UP EVERY MORNING,

LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND GO,

"YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MY HAIR

LOOKS FREAKIN' FINE."

BOOM, RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY WIFE DOES

THOUGH.

SHE DOESN'T FART.

I THINK SHE STORES IT ALL UP

AND THEN ONCE A YEAR SHE COMES

HERE TO NEW YORK AND INFLATES

ONE OF THOSE MACY'S THANKSGIVING

PARADE BALLOONS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHENEVER YOU SEE A GUY WALKING

AWAY FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND AT

THE MALL, HE IS FARTING.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YES.

HE DIDN'T SEE SOMETHING "COOL"

AT BANANA REPUBLIC.

HE'S FARTING.

[LAUGHTER]

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