John Mulaney - Salad or Fries

01/28/12 Views: 50,561

Why must John Mulaney choose between two of the most different foods in the universe to accompany his sandwich? (1:04)

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I WAS OUT TO LUNCH WITH A FRIENDAND I GOT A CHICKEN SANDWICH.

AND THE WAITRESS SAID TO ME,

"OH, YOU'RE GETTINGA CHICKEN SANDWICH.

WELL, THAT COMES WITH A CHOICEOF EITHER SALAD OR FRIES."

THOSE WERE THE CHOICES--SALAD OR FRIES.

THE TWO MOST DIFFERENT FOODSIN THE UNIVERSE.

THAT'S LIKE SAYING WHAT KINDADAY DO YOU WANNA HAVE?

DO YOU WANNA BE ACTIVE AND GOTO THE BATHROOM AND STUFF?

OR DO YOU WANNA LAYON THE FLOOR MOANING?

"OH, YOU'RE GETTINGA CHICKEN SANDWICH?

"WELL, WITH THAT,YOU CAN EITHER GO FOR A JOG

OR SMOKE CRACK COCAINE."

"OH, HUH, WELL...

"IF I GOT A PLATE OF CRACKFOR THE TABLE,

"WOULD YOU HAVE SOME?

"YOU'D HAVE CRACKIF I GOT A PLATE OF CRACK?

YEAH, OKAY. YEAH, WE'LL TAKEAN ORDER OF CRACK."

SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLEORDER FRIES,

THEY ACT LIKEIT'S A LITTLE ADVENTURE.

THEY'LL BE LIKE "SHOULD WE GETA PLATE OF FRIES FOR THE TABLE?

"SHOULD WE DO IT?

SHOULD WE SHARE SOME FRIES?"

THEY GOTTA MAKE SURE THATEVERYONE'S ONBOARD WITH IT.

IT'S LIKE, "IF I GET FRIES,YOU'LL HAVE A COUPLE, RIGHT?

"IF I GET FRIES FOR THE TABLE,YOU'LL HAVE--

"I KNOW YOU'LL HAVE FRIESIF I GET FRIES.

"SHOULD WE DO IT?YEAH, LET'S BE BAD.

"COME ON, LET'S DO IT.ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE GONNA TAKE A PLATEOF FRIES."

IT'S LIKE A GROUP OF COUPLESAGREEING TO DO ECSTASY TOGETHER.

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