Ian Bagg - AIDS Test

  • Season 11, Ep 17
  • 03/29/2007
  • Views: 2,859

Ian had an AIDS test because of a tattoo. (2:33)

IT SYMBOLIZES THATI'M ALLERGIC TO THE INK.

THAT WAS NICE TO FIND OUT AFTER I GOT THE TATTOO.

I BROKE OUT IN A FEVER OF 105, GOT A RASH ALL OVER MY BODY.

I ALMOST DIED. ISN'T THAT SUPER?

- [CHEERING] - OH, YEAH. ISN'T THAT SUP--

YEAH, OH YEAH. COME BACK AND GET ME NOW VIOLIN PLAYERS.

ISN'T THAT SUPER?YEAH, IT'S ALMOST SUPER. HE ALMOST DIED.

YOU GUYS ARE DICKS.THEY THOUGHT I HAD AIDS.ISN'T THAT SWEET?

FROM A TATTOO. NOT THE FUN WAY, GETTING SCREWED IN AN ALLEY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HAD TO GET AN AIDS TEST. ANYBODY ELSE EVER HAVE ONE?

- NO. - OH, NOBODY. ISN'T THAT SWEET?

[LAUGHTER]

I GOT AN AIDS TEST, TOOK TWO WEEKS FOR THE RESULTS TO COME BACK.

I'M FINE. TWO WEEKS. YOU MIGHT WANT TO PICK UP

THE PACE ON THAT TEST, MOTHER-[BLEEP].

TWO WEEKS IS A LONG TIME TO SIT AROUND AND THINK YOU'VE GOT AIDS.

DAY ONE YOU DON'T CARE.TAKE MY BLOOD.

I'M A SUPER HERO. I CAN'T DIE. DAY FOUR YOU'RE BLAMING PEOPLE

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT WITH FOR GIVING YOU AIDS.

[LAUGHTER]

DAY EIGHT, YOU'RE MAKING A QUILT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DAY TEN YOU'RE FINE. DAY TWELVE YOU'RE GETTING

ANOTHER TEST, 'CAUSE DAY ELEVEN YOU CELEBRATE BY [BLEEP] A GIRL

YOU DIDN'T KNOW WITHOUT A CONDOM.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

AND THAT'S HOW I GOT GONORRHEA.

THOSE PEOPLE THAT OH'D THEY'VE HAD GONORRHEA BEFORE.

'CAUSE THEY REMEMBER THOSE DAYS,THAT ISN'T FUN TIMES AT ALL.

YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.HE COMES INTO THE ROOM

WITH A POLE VAULTTHAT HE WANTS TO PUT INTHE END OF YOUR PENIS.

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S GONNA FIT.

- OH MY GOD, IT'S IN." - [LAUGHTER]

THAT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART.

YOU HAVE TO CALL A BUNCH OF PEOPLE YOU NEVER, EVER THOUGHT

YOU'D HAVE TO TALK TO AGAIN.

HI, HOW YOU DOING. LOOK, HERE'S THE DEAL.

YOU MIGHT WANNA GO TO THE DOCTOR.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE, BUT IT IS GONNA BURN.

AND CAN I GET YOUR FRIEND'S PHONE NUMBER,

'CAUSE I SLEPT WITH HER, TOO.

BY ANY CHANCE YOUR ROOMMATE HOME? HOW'S YOUR MOM?

- I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW. - [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

IT WAS CHRISTMAS. I WAS GIVING.

I ONLY HAD A ROLL OF NICKELS. ANYWAYS.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S WHAT I CALL MY [BLEEP], THE ROLE OF NICKELS.

'CAUSE IF YOU PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH IT TASTES FUNNY.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S END THAT. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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