Brian Kiley - Marriage

  • Season 10 , Ep 19
  • 04/20/2006
  • Views: 1,710

Brian's wife travels a lot with her job. (2:14)

I HAD THIS SUDDEN REALIZATION LAST NIGHT, THIS EPIPHANY, IF YOU WILL.

IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT, I WAS IN MY KITCHEN ALONE,

AND I STARTED TO THINK ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL MY KIDS ARE

AND HOW BEAUTIFUL MY WIFE IS AND HOW LUCKY I AM.

AND THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME. I AM REALLY DRUNK.

[LAUGHTER]

MY WIFE TRAVELS A LOT WITH HER JOB. SHE'S A DRUG MULE.

- [LAUGHTER] - THEY ARE ALWAYS ON THE GO.

I LOVE MY WIFE BUT SOME OF HER HABITS DRIVE ME CRAZY.

SHE BRUSHES HER TEETH WITH BAKING SODA, SO HER BREATH

ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE WHATEVER'S IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

- [LAUGHTER] - THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

SHE ADMITTED TO ME RECENTLY THAT WHEN WE FIRST MET,

SHE DIDN'T REALLY LIKE ME VERY MUCH.

BUT LUCKILY FOR ME, SHE REALLY WANTED TO STAY IN THIS COUNTRY.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY, OUR KIDS MADE US BREAKFAST IN BED.

AND THEY WEREN'T THE BEST BLOODY MARYS I EVER HAD,

- BUT VERY THOUGHTFUL. - [LAUGHTER]

YOU COULD TELL I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR AWHILE.

WENT TO THE DOCTOR'S LAST WEEK.

HE SAID, "HAVE YOU HAD SEX IN THE LAST SEVEN DAYS?"

AND I SAID, "NO.MY BIRTHDAY'S IN APRIL."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S COMING UP AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT THIS YEAR. I REALLY AM.

I'M NOT ONE OF THESE GUYS THAT BRAGS ABOUT SEX.

I HATE THAT. MY NEIGHBOR DOES THIS TO ME EVERY DAY.

HE GIVES ME HIS DETAILED STORIES ABOUT HIM AND HIS WIFE

FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE,LIKE I WASN'T WATCHING.

- [LAUGHTER] - SO STUPID.

SO DIFFERENT BEING A PARENT THESE DAYS THOUGH.

I WAS WITH MY SON THE OTHER DAYHE TOLD ME HIS BEST FRIEND BILLY

HAS TWO MOMMIES AND I THOUGHT WOW--

BILLY'S DADDY'S A LUCKY GUY.MY WIFE WOULD NEVER GO FOR THAT.

I HAVE TO SAY I GET MUCH MORE EXCITED ABOUT MY KIDS' LIVES

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