after Hillary Clintongot enough votes
to officially winthe nomination,
the Democrats spentmost of the night
impatiently waitingfor Bill Clinton to show up.
Then they spent the rest of thenight waiting for Bill Clinton
to stop talking. Uh...
No, no, I'm-I'm just joking.
It was actuallya really beautiful speech.
Those of us who havemore yesterdays than tomorrows
tend to care more aboutour children and grandchildren.
The reason you should elect her
is that, in the greatest countryon Earth,
we have always beenabout tomorrow.
Your children and grandchildren
will bless you foreverif you do.
I just... I just like
that there's some guyright now going,
"My children and grandchildrenwill bless me forever?
Sounds nice,but I already bought the hat."
It was a really emotional night.
It was a really beautiful,powerful, emotional night.
I mean, nothing could ruin it.
I-I guess... I...
Look, there was one weird thing.
If you were as energizedas I was and am right now,
take out that phone,fire up that laptop,
pry that iPad outof your kid's hands
and go to HillaryClinton.comand give what you can.
Even one dollarcan make a difference.
Look, guys, I know you needfunding to run a campaign,
but you can't bring outmovie stars to an arena
named after a bank
and have them ask the rest of usfor the money.
I mean, come on!
Come on! That...
You have some money.
You have to admit,you have some money.
Meryl Streep is not stayingat an Airbnb, I know that.
I'm not sayingdon't ask for money.
But at least show methat you need it, you know?
Enough with the movie stars--why not cut away
to Chuck Schumerin a garbage can or something?
Just... You know?
You know, the reasonBernie raised $200 million
was because, was because
Bernie Sanders looked likehe owed someone $200 million.
People saw that guy,people saw that guy,
and everyone was like,"Damn, damn,
"I-I got to help this dude out.I've got to...
I mean, I've got $27.Is that enough?"
Look, Democrats, you should need zero dollars
to win this race.
Because when you look atthe two candidates side by side,
it's embarrassingthat this is even a contest.
And I know, I know,
I know people will try and say,"Oh, no, no, no,
it's all about objectivity."
Yes, and any objective personcan see
that, of the two options,one is not an option.
(cheering and applause)
One is not an option!
There are basicallytwo lifeboats.
One we've seen float.
It's weathered many a storm,and, yes, it sprung a few leaks,
The other lifeboat is made outof Cheez Doodles.
And it has a shark in it!
And it's on fire!
And it's underwaterand its name is Donald Trump
and it's somehow currentlyleading in the polls, people!
Which baffles me.
Because even ifwe remove politics out of this--
no Democrat, no Republican,none of that,
just two human beings--
person one versus person two...
And you know... you know what,I'm not even gonna do it.
This is what...this is what their friends
and the peoplewho have known them forever,
these are the best things
that their people could sayabout them.
When Hillary graduatedfrom law school,
Hillary went undercover,going door to door,
school to school,investigating discrimination.
Everything my father does is first-class.
He loves real estate.
He loves building the greatest projects in the world.
She also started
the first legal aid clinicin Northwest Arkansas.
There was a building calledthe GE Building.
I didn't like it.
I said, "Donald,stay away from it."
He bought it,
made $200 or $300 millionon the deal.
That's what he does.
WOMAN: After intense shuttle diplomacy with Israel,
the Palestinian authority, Egypt, she did it--
MAN: Donald transformed a landfill
into a championship public golf course.
Hillary introduced a bill,signed into law,
that helped first respondersget the benefits they earned.
Donald Trump purchasedthe winery in 2011,
making it a world-classdestination
and the largest vineyardin Virginia.
Yeah, that's right.
Now ask yourself,where would we be
without the largest wineryin Virginia?
Where would we be, people?
We would be forced...
(cheers and applause)
We would be forced to drinkwines from other states
...the second largest wineryin Virginia.
And let's-let's stop actinglike a few of Hillary's failures
define and tarnishher very successful career.
For instance, for instance,in 2012, in 2012,
Hillary brokered a cease-fire
between Israelisand Palestinians.
Do you know how hard it is
to get those peopleto stop fighting?
It's almost as badas Eagles and Giants fans.
how momentous this was.
And-and-and, but look,if-if we are being objective,
we should look at both sides,yeah.
What was Donald Trumpdoing around the same time?
Well, it turns outhe was dealing
with a differentinternational crisis.
While Hillary-Hillarywas handling peace
in the Middle East,he was tweeting
at Robert Pattinsonthat he should dump
Kristen Stewart for cheating.
Yeah, yes, seven tweets,in fact.
If that's not commitment,
then I don't know what is,people.
That is commitment.
(cheering and applause)
And look, if you wereinterviewing these two
for president, you'd probablylook at Hillary's résumé
and you'd be like, "Oh, I, uh,see you have, uh, quite a lot
"of experience here, uh.
"Oh, and you've also livedin this very office, oh.
Oh, that's very impressive."
And then you'd lookat Donald Trump's résumé
and be like,"Oh, I'm-I'm sorry, sir,
"we're looking for a president.
"Uh, it, uh, it lookslike you're applying to be
"America's racist landlord.
(cheering and applause)
Now, don't get me wrong.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not saying Hillary Clinton
is better than Donald Trumpat everything.
For instance,if America needs golf courses,
then you can call Donald Trump,yeah.
If America needs more buildingswith the name Trump on them,
then you call Donald Trump.
If America needs another realityTV star, you know who to call.
And if America's droppedsomething between its car seat
and that elbow thing in themiddle, then you call Trump
because his hands are theperfect size to fit in there
and get the thing out.
But for president, but forpresident of the United States,
we shouldn't even be havingthis discussion.
And one of the mostcompelling reasons,
one of the most compellingreasons why,
just happened today.
And we'll talk about thatright after the break.