ATTITUDE AT WORK.
STOP BEING A TEAM PLAYER.
FORGET WHY I STARTED TEMPING IN
THE FIRST PLACE, WHICH WAS TO
MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
(LAUGHTER)
I REMEMBER ONE DAY, ONE DAY
I WAS SITTING IN THE EMPLOYEE
KITCHEN DRINKING NON-DAIRY
CREAMER STRAIGHT FROM THE
CARTON.
(LAUGHTER)
AND A GIRLFRIEND, SHE CAME UP TO
ME AND SAID, "MARIA, I'VE BEEN
TAKING THIS CLASS THAT'S REALLY
CHANGED MY LIFE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TONIGHT?
IT'S AT 7:30 PM AT THE
DOUBLETREE SANTA MONICA.
THERE'S NO OBLIGATION.
AND IT'S FREE."
(LONG PAUSE)
"SURE I'LL JOIN YOUR CULT.
(LAUGHTER)
ALWAYS WANTED TO BE IN ONE.
YOU KNOW?
GET TO WEAR A UNIFORM.
HAVE ANY MAJOR LIFE QUESTIONS.
YOU CHECK THE MANUAL.
THERE IS A GOD.
THERE IS A PLAN.
AND THE SPACE SHIP IS COMING."
THEY SAT ME DOWN WITH THE GURU.
SHE SAID, "MARIA WHAT'S
SOMETHING YOU WANT TO MAKE
MANIFEST OUT OF YOUR LIFE?"
"LIKE A NEW CAR."
(LAUGHTER)
"WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?"
"A NEW, NEW CAR?"
"WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?"
"TOYOTA 4-RUNNER SR-5 LIMITED
LEATHER INTERIOR THAT RUNS ON
DREAMS AND STARLIGHT."
(LAUGHTER)
SHE GOT MAD AT ME BECAUSE I
DIDN'T HAVE THE CASH FOR THE
BRAIN WASH WEEKEND.
"MARIA, LET'S THINK OF ALL THE
WAYS WE CAN GET $495 TONIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE A CHARGE CARD?"
"NOPE."
"DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU CAN
SELL?"
"I BET MY SOUL MIGHT BE WORTH
SOMETHING."
"IS THERE ANYONE YOU CAN BORROW
IT FROM?"
"OH MAN IF YOU COULD SPOT ME?"
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
"MARIA, WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?"
"BEARS."
"WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?"
"THE NORTH AMERICAN GRIZZLY."
"WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?!"
"GOD IT'S.
IT'S WEIRD BECAUSE I'M,
I'M ALMOST AFRAID OF BEING
SUCKED INTO A CRAZY, CREEPY
CULT.
WHY?
WHY AM I SO AFRAID?"
AH, MAN.
SHE SAID I WAS AFRAID OF
SUCCESS.
WHICH MAY IN FACT BE TRUE.
BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING THAT
FULFILLING MY POTENTIAL WOULD
REALLY CUT INTO MY SITTING
AROUND TIME.