Tom Papa - Fat Country

Hollingshead, Papa, Bush,Sklar Brothers Season 2, Ep 0201 06/27/1998 Views: 6,358

For Mexican kids, a happy meal is one that includes food. (2:32)

YEAH, YEAH,GOOD, GOOD.

GOOD,I'M GOOD.

ACTUALLY I'MA LITTLE GASSY

IF YOU WANNAKNOW THE TRUTH.

IT'S OKAY,I EAT A LOT, I DO.

WE ALL DO, DON'T WE ?WE'RE A FAT COUNTRY, AREN'T WE ?

WE ARE.

EVERY ONE OF US, WE'REAMERICANS AND WE'RE FAT.

WE'RE OBSESSED WITH IT,YOU CAN'T BLAME US.

YOU CAN'T.

WE HAVE FOODEVERYWHERE.

WE HAVE MORE FOODIN OUR GAS STATIONS

THAN THEY HAVEIN ALL OF BOSNIA !

IT'S TRUE.

OUR MOTTO SHOULD BE"AMERICA, NEVER MORE THAN

50 FEETFROM A SNACK" !

YOU SEE THE SIZE OFOUR KIDS OUT THERE ?

PORKOS ROLLING AROUNDOUT THERE.

ALWAYS WITH A"HAPPY MEAL" TOO,

YOU NOTICE THAT ?

I WANT A "HAPPY MEAL",ENOUGH WITH THE HAPPY MEAL !

ASK A KID IN MEXICOWHAT A HAPPY MEAL IS,

"ONE THAT COMESWITH FOOD !"

IT'S NICE TO BE OUT,MY APARTMENT'S SO SMALL.

I LIVE IN THIS TEENY,TINY, WEENY APARTMENT.

IT'S SO SMALL.

I WOULD LIKETO GET A DOG.

I'M ACTUALLY THINKINGOF GETTING A DOG.

MY PARENTS ACTUALLY SAIDTO ME THE OTHER DAY,

"YOUR LITTLE CRAPPYAPARTMENT,

THAT'S A HORRIBLE,TERRIBLE PLACE FOR A DOG !"

YEAH, BUTI LIVE THERE.

AT LEAST A DOGDOESN'T HAVE TO SHAVE

IN THE TOILETLIKE I DO !

START OFF MY DAYTHE OTHER DAY

DROPPING A WHOLE BOXOF Q-TIPS.

YOU EVER DO THAT ?

OH, NOTHING LIKESTARTING YOUR DAY OFF

ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEESPICKING UP INDIVIDUAL Q-TIPS

ONE BY ONEFROM BEHIND THE TOILET

TO REMIND YOU HOWTRULY MORONIC YOU IS.

AND WHEN I DROPPED IT.

I ACTUALLYSAID "WHOOPS !",

ACTUALLY CAME OUT..."WHOOPS !"

WHOOPS COVERS ITIF YOU'RE DROPPING

STUPID STUFFLIKE Q-TIPS.

WHOOPS DOESN'T REALLYDO THE JOB

IF YOU'RE DROPPINGSTUFF LIKE BABIES.

I DON'T THINK THERE'SREALLY A WORD THAT COVERS IT

IF YOU'RE DROPPING BABIES,MAYBE HALF A WORD...

I DON'T DROP BABIES,I DON'T HOLD BABIES.

PLEASE, I'M NOT GONNAHOLD SOMEONE'S BABY.

I GET NERVOUS HOLDINGSOMEONE'S PLACE IN LINE.

I HAVE SEVEN NEPHEWSAND TWO NIECES.

MY TWO SISTERS IDEAOF BIRTH CONTROL

IS APPARENTLYA BOTTLE OF TEQUILA

AND THE RHYTHM METHODOF BARRY WHITE.

STRANGE THE WAYTHEY RAISE THEM TOO.

THEY'RE FREAKED OUT NOW,AREN'T THEY ?

EVERYONE'SSO FREAKY.

YOU SEE THESEFIVE-YEAR-OLD KIDS NOW

WALKING AROUNDWITH BEEPERS ?

LITTLE PAGERSON THEIR BELTS

SO THEIR MOMS CANGET IN TOUCH WITH THEM.

WHAT KIND OFCRAP IS THAT ?

YOU KNOW WHATMY BEEPER WAS ?

MY MOM THROWINGOPEN THE WINDOW,

"GET YOUR ASS HOME !"