Sean Cullen - Thank You for the Porn

  • Season 6 , Ep 2
  • 04/28/2002
  • Views: 9,414

Porn is a friend you can rewind. (3:15)

I LOVE GOING TO THE MOVIES.

YOU GO TO THE MOVIES, SIR?

YOU'RE A GIANT MAN.

DO THEY LET YOU IN?

YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE MOVIES

RIGHT NOW ARE THESE ENGLISH

GANGSTER MOVIES THAT WERE OUT.

YOU KNOW, LIKE "SEXY BEAST"

OR "SNATCH" OR, UH, YOU KNOW,

"LOCK, STOCK, AND TWO SMOKING

BARRELS."

YOU KNOW?

FANTASTIC MOVIES, BECAUSE

THERE'S ALWAYS A TOUGH GUY...

A REALLY SCARY TOUGH GUY IN ALL

OF THESE FILMS, AND HE'S ALWAYS

THIS COCKNEY GUY.

AND, YOU KNOW, HE'LL KILL YOU

FOR NO REASON AT ALL,

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE THERE,

STANDING ON GROUND, YOU WILL BE

KILLED.

"WHAT, YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH,

YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING?

I DON'T THINK YOU'VE GOT

SOMETHING, MATE.

I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE

MY FIST RIGHT IN YOUR FACE.

I'M GOING TO CUT YOUR FACE.

I'M GOING TO CUT YOUR FACE

WITH A KNIFE.

THEN I'M GOING TO TAKE OUT A

SPOON, I'M GOING TO CUT IT WITH

THAT.

I'M GOING TO CUT IT AND

I'M GOING TO SAY, "WELL, THAT'S

A SPOON."

I'LL SAY, TOO BAD."

(LAUGHTER)

"I'VE CUT YOU WITH IT.

I'VE CUT YOU WITH A SPOON.

HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?

NOT VERY GOOD I BET.

I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU SO BADLY.

I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU UP.

I'M GOING TO CUT YOU.

I'M GOING TO KICK YOU.

HERE'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

I'M GOING TO PULL OUT YOUR EYES.

AND I'M GOING TO PUT 'EM IN MY

POCKETS.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK AT

MY CHANGE.

HOW YOU LIKE THAT?

THERE'S A LOT OF CHANGE IN

THERE.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO

LIKE IT."

I THINK I SPEND A LOT OF TIME

ALONE.

AND I SHOULD GO OUT MORE.

I LIKE THAT, THOUGH.

I LIKE THREATENING PEOPLE

THAT I DON'T KNOW.

LIKE, YOU SIR.

YOU SEEM TO HAVE A LOVELY WOMAN

HERE WITH YOU.

BUT YOU EVER BEEN LONELY, SIR?

HAVE YOU BEEN SAD?

♪ (GUITAR PLAYING)

YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN WHO'S BEEN

SAD.

I'VE GOT THIS ADVICE FOR YOU.

♪ WHEN YOU'RE FEELING BLUE

♪ DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

♪ SITTING ALL ALONE

♪ WAITING FOR THE PHONE

♪ THE WORLD SEEMS SO UNFAIR

♪ NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE

♪ WHEN YOUR DREAMS

♪ ARE RIPPED AND TORN

♪ YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN PORN

♪ THANK YOU FOR THE PORN

♪ THOUGH OTHER FOLKS MAY SCORN

♪ THE CONSTANT MINDLESS SEX

♪ AND THE CRUDE

♪ SPECIAL EFFECTS

♪ IT GETS YOU THROUGH THE DAY

♪ WHETHER BI OR STRAIGHT

♪ OR GAY

♪ WHEN YOU WISH

♪ YOU WERE NEVER BORN

♪ YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN PORN

♪ WHEN THE NIGHT IS LONG

♪ EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG

♪ YOUR LOVE IS ON A SHELF

♪ YOU'RE FORCED

♪ TO TOUCH YOURSELF

♪ REACH FOR YOUR OLD FRIEND

♪ THE PLEASURES NEVER END

♪ AND I THINK YOU'LL FIND

♪ IT'S A FRIEND YOU CAN REWIND

♪ THANK YOU FOR THE PORN

♪ PORNIE, PORNIE, PORN

♪ PORNIE, PORNIE, PORN

♪ PORNIE, PORNIE PORN

♪ PORN-EE, PORN-O, PORN-EYE

♪ PORNIDDYLY, NIDDLY NAR

♪ PORNIDDLY NIM, NIM, NIM, NIM

♪ PORNNIBBLY, NABBLY, NOO

♪ YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN PORN

♪ YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN PORN

♪ YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN...

♪ PORN ♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU DO HAVE A FRIEND IN PORN.

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