Michael Ian Black - Stick the Landing

Michael Ian Black: Very Famous Season 1, Ep 101 08/06/2011 Views: 1,445

While skydiving, Michael Ian Black prays for a cool landing to offset the fact that he threw up all over himself in midair. (1:32)

JUST AS I'M HAVINGTHESE GOOD FEELINGS,

I THROW UP ALL OVER MYSELF.

I THROW UP EVERYTHINGI HAVE EVER EATEN,

ALL AT ONCE.

IT'S A COMBINATIONOF MARINARA SAUCE

AND PINEAPPLE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,BUT IT'S HORRIBLE.

AND IT'S ALL OVER ME.

AND ALL THOSE GOOD FEELINGSI WAS HAVING

JUST MOMENTS AGOARE WASHED AWAY

IN MY OWN VOMIT.

AND I AM SO HUMILIATEDAND EMBARRASSED

BECAUSE I KNOW MY FRIENDSARE GONNA SEE ME,

AND THEY'RE GONNA MOCK ME,

AND THE ONLY THINGI CAN THINK TO DO

IS HAVE A COOL LANDING.

IF I CAN JUST HAVEA COOL LANDING,

ALL WILL BE WELL.

AND IN SKYDIVING SCHOOL,OUR INSTRUCTOR HAD SAID,

"LANDING SHOULD BENO MORE DIFFICULT

THAN STEPPING OFF A CURB."

AND SO I'MTHINKING TO MYSELF,

"HOW DO I STEP OFF A CURB?"

AND I'M PRETTY SUREI DO IT LIKE THIS.

I'M PRETTY SURETHAT'S HOW I DO IT,

SO AS I'M FLOATINGTOWARDS THE EARTH, YOU KNOW,

I'M MENTALLY GOING...

AND THE GROUND IS GETTINGCLOSER AND CLOSER AND CLOSER,

AND I KNOW SOMETHING HORRIBLEIS GONNA HAPPEN,

AND I'M THINKING,"PLEASE, GOD,

"DON'T LET THE PARACHUTEDRAG ME

"100 YARDSACROSS THE FIELD.

PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO..."

AND THEN I LAND.