Kevin Meaney - Atomic Bomb Drill

  • Season 2 , Ep 7
  • 07/02/1999
  • Views: 6,061

Kevin was always in trouble at school (1:53)

WHEN I WENT TO GRAMMAR SCHOOL,WE HAD THE A-BOMB DRILLS.

THE ATOMIC BOMB DRILLS.

WE HAD TO PRACTICE WHAT TO DO

IN CASE THE COMMUNISTS DROPPEDTHE BOMB ON US.

LIKE, THAT WOULD BETHE FIRST PLACE THEY'D BOMB--

A CATHOLIC GRADE SCHOOL.

OUR LADY OF MT. CARMELGROUND ZERO.

I GOT SENT HOME FROM SCHOOL ONCE

BECAUSE I DIDN'T PUTMY HEAD BETWEEN MY LEGS.

BECAUSE IF YOU HAD YOUR HEADBETWEEN YOUR LEGS

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

YOU'D BE SAFE FROM RADIATION.

THERE ARE CERTAIN VAPORSYOU CAN BREATHE...

SISTER MARY HULK HOGANWOULD DRAG ME BY MY EAR

TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

SEND ME HOME WITH A NOTE.

MY MOTHER WOULD SAY,"LOOK AT THIS NOTE.

"TAKE A GOOD ( bleep )GOOD LOOK AT IT.

"SAYS HERE YOU DIDN'T PUTYOUR HEAD BETWEEN YOUR LEGS

"DURING THE ATOMIC BOMB DRILLS.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

"JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPHAND THE SHEPHERDS--

"THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

"WHAT IF PRESIDENT KENNEDYFINDS OUT ABOUT THIS?

"HE'LL THINK THE SCHOOL HAS BEENINFILTRATED BY COMMUNISTS.

"THEN THE MONSIGNORWILL BE BLACKLISTED

AND THE POPE WILLEXCOMMUNICATE US."

( laughter )

( applause )

"YOU GET DOWN TO THAT FALLOUTSHELTER RIGHT NOW

"AND SHOW THAT NOTETO YOUR FATHER.

"HE'S PUTTING CANNED FOODS AWAYAND SUNDRIES

"IN CASE THE COMMUNISTS DECIDETO BOMB THE ( bleep ) HOUSE.

"YOUR BROTHERS ARE UPSTAIRS NOW

"WITH THEIR HEADSBETWEEN THEIR LEGS.

"YOUR SISTER ISCONSTANTLY PUTTING

HER HEAD BETWEEN HER LEGS."

MY AUNT ROSE WOULD SAY,"CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

"THAT KATHY'S ALWAYS GOTHER HEAD BETWEEN HER LEGS.

"SHE COULD JOIN THE CIRCUSWITH AN ACT LIKE THAT.

"SHE GOT HER HEADBETWEEN HER LEGS

AND A BIG OLD PUSS ON HER FACE."

( laughter and applause )

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