Jeff Cesario - Women's Eyebrows

  • Season 9 , Ep 8
  • 03/24/2005
  • Views: 2,622

Eyebrows are not a deal breaker for men. (2:27)

BEFORE WE CAME OUT HERE FOR

THE SHOW.

SHE WENT TO THE CHICHI PLACE

IN BEVERLY HILLS.

GOT HER EYEBROWS DONE.

THAT'S AN AMAZING THING TO MEN.

THERE'S WHOLE STORES FOR THAT

WHERE YOU CAN GO AND THEY PLUCK

AND THEY WAX AND THEY PULL AND

THEY CONTOUR AND THEY SHAVE.

IT JUST PROVES THEY'RE NOT

GETTING DOLLED UP FOR GUYS.

THERE ISN'T A GUY ON THE PLANET

WHO'S EVER LOOKED AT AN

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN AND THEN

LOOKED AT HER EYEBROWS AND WENT,

"WELL, THAT'S A DEAL BREAKER

THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

"I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE SHE'S OUT

IN PUBLIC TONIGHT."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

WE DON'T NOTICE THE EYEBROW.

ONCE IN A BLUE MOON WHEN IT'S

THAT WOMAN WHO SHAVES OFF

HER OWN ACTUAL HUMAN EYEBROWS

AND DRAWS IN THE HALLOWEEN

JACK O'LANTERN EYEBROWS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THOSE WE'LL NOTICE FOR ABOUT

TWO SECONDS, THEN FWWOOM,

RIGHT BACK DOWN TO THE BOOBS,

WE DON'T CARE.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I THINK ANY PROGRESS MANKIND

HAS EVER MADE, IF YOU DIG

DEEP ENOUGH, YOU'LL FIND A GUY

JUST TRYING TO IMPRESS A CHICK.

SCIENCE, MATH, THE ARTS,

I DON'T CARE WHATEVER GIANT

LEAP FORWARD MANKIND HAS MADE,

YOU DIG DEEP ENOUGH, THERE'S A

GUY TRYING TO IMPRESS A CHICK.

IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT

GETS US OFF THE COUCH.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU THINK ROGET WANTED TO WRITE

A THESAURUS?

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T.

I THINK HE WAS JUST A GUY

WHO HAD A GIRLFRIEND.

HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A FREAKIN'

JOB.

SHE GOT FED UP.

SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM.

BUT SAID SOMETHING REALLY CRUEL

LIKE "YOU ALWAYS USE THE

SAME WORDS, OVER AND OVER AND

OVER AGAIN."

TWO MONTHS LATER, BOOM,

ROGET'S THESAURUS.

[LAUGHTER]

"I'LL SHOW THAT WENCH.

CONCUBINE.

HARLOT."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE GOT MARRIED AND BOUGHT A

HOUSE AT LIKE THE EXACT SAME

TIME.

AND EVER SINCE THEN THE ONLY

THING I GET, EMAIL SPAM,

IS PEOPLE PROMISING TO LOWER

MY MORTGAGE OR PEOPLE PROMISING

TO ENLARGE MY PENIS.

[LAUGHTER]

WHICH IS REDUNDANT.

'CAUSE TRUST ME, IF YOU OWN

A HOME, YOU KNOW IF YOU CAN

LOWER MY MORTGAGE, MY PENIS

WILL GROW ALL ON ITS OWN.

IT AIN'T GONNA NEED HELP.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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