Satanic Monument for the Oklahoma State House

May 6, 2014 - Bette Midler 05/06/2014 Views: 23,555

Oklahoma Satanists unveil a statue of the devil to counter a Ten Commandments display at the State Capitol building. (5:18)

>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOMEBACK, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU.

WELCOME BACK.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOUGOOD PEOPLE THAT THERE IS A WAR

ON RELIGION IN AMERICA.

THE SECULAR HUMANISTS WILL NOTSTOP UNTIL THEY TAKE GOD OUT OF

THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, CHRISTOUT OF CHRISTMAS, AND THE JEW

OUT OF FOURTH OF JULY.

... CHRISTIANS ARE EVEN UNDERATTACK IN OKLAHOMA WHERE A

FIENDISH PLOT COULD GO OFFWITHOUT A HITCH, UNLIKE THEIR

EXECUTIONS.

>> A SATANIC SCULPTURE IS ALMOSTCOMPLETE AND IT COULD BE GOING

OUTSIDE THE OKLAHOMA STATEHOUSE.

SATANISTS RAISED MONEY FOR ASCULPTURE AFTER A MONUMENT OF

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS WENT UP.

>> I THINK THIS MIGHT BE JUSTPLAIN EVIL.

>> Stephen: IT'S A STATUE OFTHE DEVIL, AND YOU THINK IT

MIGHT BE JUST PLAIN EVIL?

THAT'S LIKE SAYING YOU THINK THETALL GUY SITTING IN THE CHAIR IN

THE MEMORIAL MIGHT BE JUST PLAINLINCOLN.

( LAUGHTER )THE FACT THAT YOU'RE NOT SURE

IT'S EVIL MEANS THAT THIS THINGIS ALREADY WORKING.

( LAUGHTER )HERE'S HOW WE GOT TO WHERE WE

ARE RIGHT NOW.

BACK IN 2005, THE SUPREME COURTRULED THE 10 COMMANDMENTS COULD

NOT BE DISPLAYED ON GOVERNMENTPROPERTY.

OH, REALLY?

BUT IT'S PERFECTLY FINE FORPUBLIC PARKS TO DISPLAY THE

DRUID'S HOLY SYMBOL, THE TREE.

AND FOR THE SKY TO PUT UP THEISLAMIC CRESCENT MOON EVERY

MONTH.

WAKE UP!

IT IS WAXING SHARIA.

THANKFULLY, OKLAHOMA'SLEGISLATURE PASSED A BILL

ALLOWING THE MONUMENT ANYWAY BUTREQUIRING PRIVATE FUNDS TO PAY

FOR THE INSTALLATION.

NOW THESE SATANISTS ARE ABUSINGTHESE LOOPHOLES.

THOSE SATANISTS... THEY USED THECROWD FUNDING SITE INDIEGOGO TO

RAISE ALMOST $30,000 USINGDIABOLICALLY IRRESISTIBLE

AWARDS.

A $100 DONATION GETS YOU ASATANIC MUG AND T-SHIRT BECAUSE

WE KNOW NOTHING PROCLAIMS YOURALLEGIANCE TO THE PRINCE OF

DARKNESS MORE THAN A MATCHINGMUG AND T-SHIRT.

THAT IS THE MOUTH OF MADNESS.

THAT IS THE FACE OF EAGLE.

JUST LOOK AT THIS MONSTROSITY.

IT HAS TWO INNOCENT CHILDRENGAZING UP IN WONDER AT THE DEVIL

AND IS DESIGNED SO REAL KIDS MAYSIT ON THE LAP OF SATAN.

THAT IS WRONG.

KIDS THIS ONLY BE SITTING IN THELAPS OF STRANGE OLD MEN AT THE

MALL.

AND WORST OF ALL, WORST OF ALL,THIS SATANIC STATUE IS NOT EVEN

OF SATAN.

IT'S CLEARLY THE PAGAN IDOLBAPHOMET, A SABBATIC GOAT DEITY

WORSHIPPED BY THE KNIGHTSTEMPLAR.

WHAT KIND OF POSEUR DEVILWORSHIPERS ARE WE DEALING WITH

HERE?

LET ME GUESS-- YOU'RE REFORMEDSATANISTS.

WE BELIEVE ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BEABLE TO IMAGINE THE LORD OF HELL

IN HIS OR HER OWN WAY.

WRONG.

THERE HAVE GOT TO BE RULES, ORJUST BECOME A LUTHERAN, ALREADY.

PLUS, YOU DIDN'T EVEN GETBAPHOMET RIGHT WHO CLASSICALLY

IS DEPICTED WITH PERT FEMALEBREASTS AND A SNAKE-HEADED

CADUCEUS BONER.

BY THE WAY IF YOUR SNAKE-HEADEDCADUCEUS BONER LASTS MORE THAN

FOUR HOURS, CONTACT YOUR WITCHDOCTOR.

AND, FOLKS, I'M SO TIRED OFPEOPLE CONTINUING TO CONFUSE

BAPHOMET WITH SATAN.

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

JOINING ME NOW IS TONIGHT'SFIRST GUEST, PLEASE WELCOME HE

WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED, SATAN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )MR. SATAN, THANK YOU FOR JOINING

US.

>> HONORED TO BE HERE, STEPHEN.

SORRY, I COULDN'T BE THERE INPERSON BUT THE ONLY FLIGHT TO

NEW YORK WAS IN COACH ON UNITEDAIRLINES.

I SPEND ENOUGH TIME IN HELL ASIT IS.

HA-HA-HA.

>> Stephen: NOW, SATAN, YOUAND I RARELY SEE EYE TO EYE ON

ANYTHING BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUDON'T LIKE THIS STATUE, EITHER.

>> PARDON MY LANGUAGE, STEPHENBUT THIS STATUTE IS HORSE

HOCKEY.

EVERYTHING WITH A GOAT HEAD MUSTBE THE DEVIL.

THAT IS RACIST.

>> Stephen: I DIDN'T REALIZEYOU WERE SO SENSITIVE TO

PREJUDICE.

>> LOOK, JUST BECAUSE I'M THEFATHER OF ALL HATRED DOESN'T

MEAN I'M SOME KIND OF BIGOT.

I WILL TORTURE THE FLESH OF ANYRACE, CREED OR COLOR.

TO PARAPHRASE DR. KING, I HAVE ANIGHTMARE.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Stephen: NOW, MR. SATAN,HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO BAPHOMET

ABOUT THIS?

>> YES, I HAVE, STEPHEN, AND HEIS SO DEPRESSED, HE WON'T EVEN

LEAVE HIS WATERBED FILLED WITHTHE TEARS OF CHILDREN.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WEREDROPPED TWO MONTHS' SALARIES ON

A PAIR OF HIGH, HARD DOUBLE DsAND THEY DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT ON

THE STATUE.

THAT'S BOUND TO GIVE YOU SOMEBODY ISSUES.

>> Stephen: THANKS FORJOINING US SATAN.

BUT BEFORE YOU GO, IS THEREANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO PLUG.

>> YES, CHECK OUT THE INTERNSHIPON DVD AND BLU-RAY.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF IT.

>> Stephen: SATAN, LORD OFHELL, EVERYBODY.

>> BA-BA-BOOIE.

>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHTBACK.