Worst Worst Thing - Threesome Stabbing

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 02/26/2013
  • Views: 24,475

After hearing about a threesome that turned violent, Patton Oswalt and Nick Kroll stage a peaceful reenactment. (2:09)

IT'S A TERRIBLE STORYJUST LIKE THE LAST ONE.

ONLY WORSE.

MIND IF I CUT IN?

DURING A THREESOMEBETWEEN TWO MEN AND A WOMAN,

ONE GUYSTABBED THE OTHER GUY

OVER REFUSINGTO SWITCH POSITIONS.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS

WHENEVER YOU BRING A KNIFETO A SWORDFIGHT.

- WOW.- YEAH.

- IT'S--YOU KNOW,IT'S WEIRD.

IT'S JUST ODDTHAT YOU BRING THIS STORY UP

BECAUSE MY SAFE WORD IS,

"I WILL STAB YOUIF YOU DON'T SWITCH VAGINAS."

THAT'S JUST ODD.

SO IT JUST KIND OFHITS CLOSE TO HOME FOR ME.

- I KNOW THAT IS A FACT.

[laughter]

WHAT I'M TAKINGAWAY FROM THIS STORY

IS THAT THISLITTLE PRINCESS IS SINGLE.

- SHE SOUNDS...

SHE SOUNDS GREAT.

- YEAH,AND SHE'S VERY ADVENTUROUS.

- YEAH.- YEAH.

- SOMETIMES WHEN HOT SINGLESARE IN YOUR AREA,

YOU GOTTA JUMP ON IT,NO MATTER WHAT.

NOW, YOU GUYS SAID SOMETHINGKIND OF INTERESTING.

I WANT YOU GUYS TO DOLIKE AN IMPROV GAME.

YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE IMPROVONLY FUN TO WATCH.

LET'S SAY YOU GUYSARE IN A THREE-WAY WITH A GIRL.

PATTON, YOU NEED NICKTO SWITCH PLACES WITH YOU.

- OH, OKAY.- CONVINCE HIM LIKE A GENTLEMAN.

- HANG ON, HANG ON. MM...- WITHOUT VIOLENCE.

- OKAY.- YOU HAVE YOUR MOMENT BEFORE?

- I GOT--HANG ON, I GOT IT.OKAY, HERE WE GO. YEAH.

GOSH, YOU'RE, UH...

REALLY DIGGINGSOME TUNNELS HERE.

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- DOING GOOD.- MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME.

- YEAH, OKAY. BUT I'M JUST--BUT I'M ALSO LIKE, YOU KNOW--

SHE'S, UH--SHE'S LOOKING VERY HAPPY.

I THINK IT'S TIME TO MAYBE--

SHE'S KIND OFGIVING ME THE HIGH SIGN.

- OH, I DON'T KNOW.I THINK I'M GONNA STICK AT IT.

I MEAN, I STICK WHERE I AM.- STICK WHERE--YEAH, MAYBE--

- THIS IS THE HOLE I WANT.

- YEAH, BUT YOU KNOWWHAT YOU DO, YOU JUST--

YOU--YOU PULL OUT AND I THRUSTIN THE SAME BEAT, JUST KIND OF--

- I DON'T KNOW,I'M STICKING--YEAH.

OOH, YOU'RE GETTING ANGRY AT ME,AREN'T YA?

- I'M NOT GETTING ANGRY AT YOU,I'M JUST SAYING--

- I'M GOING FULL CHUB NOW.- WE TALKED ABOUT--

- OH, YEAH!- WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!

- OH, WE TALKINGABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.

OOH, YOU GETTING ANGRY WITH ME?- I JUST WANNA--

- IS IT EXCITING?- DUDE, I'M GONNA START CRYING.

- OH, YOU 'BOUTTO MAKE MY [bleep] CRY.

- REMEMBER, IT'S NOTTHE JOURNEY, IT'S THE PANEL.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACKWITH MORE PANEL.

[cheers and applause]

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