#HashtagWars - #ApocalypseResolutions

Thursday, July 21, 2016 07/21/2016 Views: 329

The end is nigh, and Ramon Rivas, Dan St. Germain and April Richardson prepare with an apocalyptic bucket list. (1:35)

It's now timefor the #HashtagWars.


With all that's going onin the world,

from the RNC to Zikato the DNC to Lady Gaga

and Taylor Kinney breaking up,it looks like it's time

to batten downour collective hatches

and prepare for the apocalypse.

It's gonna happen--we might as well just enjoy it.

Survivalists always talkabout survival

in the zombie apocalypse,but even after you put machetes

all up in their undead brains,you still got to live your life.

That is why tonight's hashtagis #ApocalypseResolutions.

Examples might be...

examples might be: Go to warwith Larry over some Pringles,

or: Get out of the bunker more.

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-(bell dings)-HARDWICK: Ramon.

Ah, start that newall-Twinkie diet.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

-(bell dings)-HARDWICK: Dan.

Switch over to diet urine.

HARDWICK:All right.


(Hardwick continues laughing)


Real highbrow over here, Chris.

Also-also known as "Squirt."

(audience laughing, applause)


Become mayor of that cityI started

in that abandoned Walmart.

HARDWICK:Yeah, points.

-(bell dings)-Ramon.

Implement trickle downcannibalism.

HARDWICK:Yes, points.


Be more honestwith the volleyball

I drew a human face on.


-(bell dings)-April.

Finally learn to play guitaron that guitar

I made from a human rib cage.


-(bell dings)-Dan.

Uh, finish The Good Wife.