All right, did you guys,uh, see this earlier?
Uh, this week--I'm not making this up--
an Italian restaurantin New Mexico changed their sign
to read "Black Olives Matter."
Come on, man!
I mean, you're gonna putthat sign up right now?
That's like a Biz Markie levelof tone deafness, all right?
(off-key):♪ You got what I need
Now, of course,the outrage was swift,
uh, to this restaurant,and they responded by taking
the, uh, sign down.
Uh, so... but here tonightto offer up a sincere apology
is the owner of that Italianrestaurant, Luigi Albanese.
-I... It's-a no good.-(cheering and applause)
It's-a no good. Larry,what I did, it's-a no good.
I'm so very sorry. I apologize.
-Please. I apologize to you.No. -Oh, yeah.
I apologize to your viewers.
I apol...I apologize to everybody!
I just want to make-a the pizza.That's all I want to do, huh?
-I make it a-hot.I make it a-fresh. -Right.
I no mean to hurt-a nobody.
Hey, man, hey, it's okay.Look, on-on behalf of everybody,
-apology accepted. Don't worryabout it. -Oh. Thank you, Larry.
-Look, I got the good news, huh?I change-a the sign. -Mm-hmm.
-Take a look, take a look.-Oh, okay. Mm-hmm.
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
Uh, "All Olives Matter"?
Wait a minute,I think that's worse.
Wh-What are you talking about,Larry?
I thoughtthat black was-a no good.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-No, black is-a good.Black is-a good. -No?
But "All Lives Matter" is whatpeople say when they want
to nullify... No, when they wantto nullify Black Lives Matter.
People don't like that.Even if you say it with olives.
Oh. Moron. I am so sorry, Larry.
-Oh, no, it's okay.-How could this happen again?
-I don't know.-Look... (stammers) I only want
-to make-a the pizza.That's why. -I know.
How do you like it?You like it hot and fresh?
'Cause I make it hot and fresh!That's what I do. I don't...
I don't write-a signs.I'm so sorry.
It's okay. It's obviousyou meant no harm, Luigi.
Apology accepted. But,you know what, I tell you what,
maybe just stay awayfrom olives entirely, all right?
You like-a the mushrooms, huh?
-Hmm?-Uh, no, no, not really.
Ooh. You no like-a the shrooms.I get it, huh?
Here, uh, let me change-athe sign again. One second.
-Hold on. -No, you don't haveto change the sign
just 'causeI don't like mushroom.
-It, uh...-Okay, I'm-a back.
-I do fast, huh? Here you go.Take a look, Larry. -Okay.
-New sign, huh? -All right.No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. Okay."Hands up, don't shroom!"
No. Luigi, Luigi,
-that's even worse, Luigi.-What?
-What is your problem, man?-What, it's-it's-a no good?
-No, it's no good!-I did it...
-You did it again!-I'm so sorry, Larry!
-I'm so s...-Okay, it's okay. Calm down.
-You like-a the fruit, huh?-Yes, I like fruit.
-Ah, do you like-a the figs?-No, I-I hate figs.
Ooh, then I got a nice-a signfor you. Hold on one second.
Why? You don't have to makea sign for that, Luigi.
Every... I have a feelingthis is gonna be horrible.
Okay, I'm-a back. Look, Larry,
-I included a certain somebodyyou know. -Okay.
-Take a look, huh?-Really? What? No, no!
"Larry Wilmore says:God hates figs"? No, Luigi!
Luigi, I never said that.I didn't...
What? No, no, no, you did!
-You said the figsare a-no good! -Figs!
-You just said it!-Yeah, but it...
You know what, blank sign, okay?
Just go with a blank signand make a pizza, all right?
Make-a pizza, not-a war?
-Oh, that's good.I like that one. -Ah!
-Go with that one.-All right. G-God bless.
-All right, good night, huh?All right. -Very good.
God bless you, too, Luigi.
Man. It's not right.
All right.Moving on to an outrageous story
that you guys probably sawtrending on Twitter today.
This unarmed black man withhis hands up is Charles Kinsey.
Now, before I go any further,I want you to know he's olive...
I-I mean alive. Uh...
Damn you, Luigi Albanese.(chuckles)
But Charlesis a mental health worker,
and after one of the patientsfrom his group home
wandered away,the police were called.
And this is what happenedwhen they arrived on the scene.
REPORTER: You can hear Kinsey, a counselor,
advising his patient.
-Shut up! -The young man in his 20s
sat cross-legged while holding a white toy truck.
Kinsey was unarmed, yet, instinctively,
he kept his hands in the air.
Okay, that's smart.Comply, comply, comply.
Can't be too carefulas a black man these days, okay?
But then what?Where did he go wrong?
Because as longas he has his hands up,
they're not going to shoot him,right? He's complying.
As long as I got my hands up,they're not gonna shoot me--
this is what I'm thinking.They're not gonna shoot me.
Wow, was I wrong.
Yep, they (bleep) shot him.
I mean, you can't drive whileblack, can't walk while black.
Now you can't proactively complywhile black?
I mean, police--this is a serious question--
what more do you wantblack people to do?
KINSEY: They cuffed my hands and they flipped me over
and I'm standing there.I was like, "Sir,
why did you shoot me?"And his... and his words to me,
he said, "I don't know."
"I don't know"?!
"I don't know" is not whatyou say after you shoot someone.
If you get shot by the cops,you don't want the officer
to pull an Urkel and be like,"Did I do that?
Ooh. I'm sorry."
That's not good enough.
Charles Kinseyshould sue the (bleep) out
of that police department.
(cheering and applause)
I'm telling you.
I'm just sayin',thank God he's okay.
I hope he has a good lawyer.
REPORTER: Hilton Napoleon is Kinsey's attorney.
Just going on name alone,"Hilton Napoleon" sounds, uh,
sounds likea pretty good lawyer.
I mean, if you have a littleextra money,
you might spring fora "Marriott Napoleon," but, uh,
it sounds like Kinsey'sin good hands,
if he plays his cards right.
He might get a free continentalbreakfast buffet, you know,
a little self-servewaffle station in the morning.
It sounds like good.
Let's, uh,let's hear what you got,
Mr. Hilton Napoleon.
He really feels likehe did everything
that he could possibly doto cooperate.
Well, I don't know if thatargument is very persuasive.
Did Charles Kinseytry being not black?
I'm pretty sure that mighthave helped.
I'm so sick of this (bleep).
We'll be right back.