Matt Braunger - Parents' Charities

Matt Braunger: Big, Dumb Animal Season 1, Ep 101 02/06/2015 Views: 4,079

Matt Braunger's parents have come across some interesting characters while doing charity work. (2:06)

I have amazing parents.

I will make a point tosay that on this special.

Like, my parents are amazing.

They're both teachers.

And they raised an only child.

And back they didn't havea lot of money and stuff.

And they are-- they'rejust very giving people.

But now they're retired and theynot only help run a food pantry

for the poor, theyalso do charity

that I've never heard of.

Like, they make shit upI think to [beep] me.

I'm not kidding.

This is a real thing.

My dad rents a van and takes itto a retirement home and loads

it up of old ladies.

Right?

Not against their will.

Not like, get in Doris.

Shut the [beep] up, Pearl!

In the van!

Not like that.

But he loads upwith old ladies--

watch this, watchthis reaction--

and drives them to the mallso they can go shopping.

AUDIENCE: Aw.

-Exactly.

It's like I just shita bucket of kittens.

Like, out of nowhere.

How cute is that?

My dad told me that,I'm like, [beep] what?

You do that?Jesus.

My mom does likemore hardcore shit.

My mom works with ex-conshelping them write resumes when

they get out of thejoint because it's hard.

It's hard to get a job whenyou have a jail record.

So she helps thesemen and women out.

And because of that, shehas some amazing stories.

Let me tell you one.

She worked with this guy--big, tattooed monster.

He could kill youwith this finger.

But polite as all shit.

Nice guy.

But she finished hisresume and was like,

OK, the last line isyour special skills,

like whatever you're goodat to show them who you are.

It doesn't have tobe job applicable.

Just whatever you're good at.

Maybe you paint.

Maybe you play piano.

Something like that.

The guy thinks aboutit for a second

and he says this to my mother.

Well, when I was inside--you know, prison--

the guards neverstopped [beep] with me.

Never gave me a moment's peace.

I never knew whybut they hated me

and I never shivvednone of them.

Could have [beep] killedthem all, but I didn't.

That's his special skill--not murdering people.

[laughter]

And my mom's quickas a whip so she just

goes, keeps a coolhead under pressure.

That's a good one.

Yeah.

OK.