Donald Glover - Talk About Penises

  • Season 14 , Ep 9
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 144,528

Donald Glover just started doing stand-up, so he went to Tracy Morgan for advice. (3:00)

SO, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

I USED TO WRITE FOR THIS SHOWCALLED "30 ROCK."

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THAT'S WHAT'S UP, RIGHT?

AND I LOVE WRITING, BUT WHENI STARTED DOING STAND-UP,

I WAS LIKE, "I DON'T REALLY KNOWWHAT I'M DOING.

I'M GONNA TALK TO TRACYABOUT IT."

I WAS GONNA ASK TRACY WHAT --

"DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS FOR ME,'CAUSE I'M JUST STARTING.

DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS?"

AND HE WAS LIKE[ As Tracy Morgan ] "YEAH, MAN,

TALK ABOUT PENISES, MAN."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Normal voice ]I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?"

HE WAS LIKE [ As Tracy Morgan ]"YEAH, MAN, TALK ABOUT PENISES.

"DUDES LOVE THAT [BLEEP] MAN.

"TALK ABOUT PENISES.

"I'LL TELL YOU A STORY, MAN.

"ONE TIME I HAD BROKEN INTOTHIS ASIAN GIRL'S DORM ROOM

AT RUTGERS UNIVERSITY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"AND I FELL ASLEEP.

"AND THEY WOKE ME UPAND THEY SAID,

"'TRACY, YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ONIN FIVE MINUTES.'

"AND I DIDN'T HAVE NO MATERIAL.

"SO I JUST SAID [BLEEP]FOR 45 MINUTES.

"I TALKED ABOUT PENISESFOR 45 MINUTES.

DO THAT. DO THAT, MAN."

[ Normal voice ]SO I DID THAT.

YOU KNOW,I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING.

I WAS LIKE,"OKAY, IT'S TRACY MORGAN.

I'M GONNA LISTEN TO HIM."SO I DID THAT.

I TALKED ABOUT PENISES,AND PEOPLE LOVED IT.

IT WAS GOOD.IT WENT WELL.

AND THEN, AFTERWARDS,A DUDE WAS LIKE,

"HEY, CHRIS WANTS TO TALKTO YOU."

I WAS LIKE, "WHO?"

"CHRIS ROCK WANTS TO TALKTO YOU."

I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?!CHRIS ROCK?!"

I LOVE CHRIS ROCK.CHRIS ROCK'S MY IDOL, RIGHT?

SO I'M LIKE, "YEAH."I GO UP TO HIM.

I'M LIKE, "OH, YEAH."I'M EXCITED.

"YO, WHAT'D YOU THINK?"

HE WAS LIKE, [ As Chris Rock ]"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ Normal voice ]I WAS LIKE, "I-I DON'T KNOW."

HE'S LIKE, [ As Chris Rock ]

"'CAUSE IT LOOKED LIKEYOU WENT ONSTAGE

AND SAID [BLEEP]FOR 45 MINUTES."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Normal voice ]AND HE RIPPED INTO ME, MAN.

HE RIPPED INTO ME,AND THAT BROKE MY HEART,

'CAUSE I LOVE CHRIS ROCK.

I USED TO DO HIS BITSALL THE TIME.

HE HAS A FAMOUS BIT CALLED,

YOU KNOW,"'N' WORD VERSUS BLACK PEOPLE."

AND I LOVE THAT BIT,

BUT I WASN'T ALLOWED TO SAYTHE "N" WORD IN THE HOUSE.

MY PARENTS WOULDN'TLET ME SAY THE "N" WORD,

SO I JUST DID "BLACK PEOPLEVERSUS VAMPIRES" INSTEAD.

I WAS UP THERE,YOU KNOW, TELLING JOKES.

I WAS LIKE, [ As Chris Rock ]"THERE'S TWO CATS.

"TWO CATS GOIN' ON.

"THERE'S BLACK PEOPLEAND VAMPIRES.

"THE VAMPIRES GOT TO GO.

"EVERY TIME BLACK PEOPLEWANT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,

"IGNORANT-ASS VAMPIRES GOTTO RUIN IT FOR EVERYBODY.

"CAN'T KEEP A BLOOD BANK OPEN.GRAND OPENING?

"YOU WANT TO KNOW THE WORSTTHING ABOUT VAMPIRES?

"THE WORST THINGABOUT VAMPIRES --

"VAMPIRES CAN'T BEIN THE SUN, BOY.

YOU CAN'T HAVE NO VAMPIRE FRIENDAND THEN TAKE HIM TO THE BEACH."

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ Normal voice ]I GOT PRETTY GOOD AT IT.I GOT PRETTY GOOD AT IT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

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