RETURN JULY 2014
Hey, what up, ladies? Hey.
What's up?You like that right there?
You know what they say.
Once you go chubby, you wantto make him your hubby, right?
Once you sleep with fatty,you're gonna call him Daddy.
It's the rules.
It's good, though, man.
It's real good to be out here.
Got a bunch of guys who wearclothes that fit them.
'Cause I'm from Hollywood.
All I see is grown menwearing skinny jeans.
And I try to fit into the crowd,
but I don't fit into the jeans.
Women are ridiculous.
I love you, but you're crazy.
You guys sure dosome crazy things.
A girl will get with youand leave you
for the exact same reason,you know that?
Like, with me,I'm a comedian.
Girls get with mebecause I'm a comedian,
and then they leave me becauseeverything's a joke to me.
Hey, come on, baby,you didn't see that coming?
And I'm young,
but I feel old--you guys ever get that feeling?
(audience agreeing)I can only imaginehow you feel,
but I feel that way sometimes.
I mean, come on,look at Martin--
he's sitting down already,he's not even standing up.
(laughter, whooping, applause)
Sarge in the house.
It's good, though, man.I want to go back to the days
where you had no worries, man.
Where you didn't haveto worry about no bills,
you didn't have to worryabout none of that.
Where you're just playingstreet games with your friends,
like hide-and-seek--you guys remember hide-and-seek?
(audience shouts)Man, I usedto hide behind things
that I couldn't fit behind.
I'm standing behinda mailbox or a telephone pole
(quietly):Hey, fool, where's he at?
I love you guys.
We used to play freeze tag, too.
You guys remember freeze tag?