Drew Fraser - Wrong Women

  • Season 9 , Ep 9
  • 03/31/2005
  • Views: 3,299

Men, always use your own condoms. (2:38)

Drew Fraser: AH, WHOLE THING IS

CRAZY, MAN.

WHOLE THING IS CRAZY, MAN.

THAT'S WHY I'M JUST TRYING TO

SETTLE DOWN.

I'M JUST TRYING TO SETTLE DOWN.

THIS IS THE LAST YEARS,

LAST DAYS.

TRYING TO SETTLE DOWN.

TRYING TO FIND ME ONE WOMAN THAT

I CAN SPEND THE REST OF THIS

WEEKEND WITH.

THAT'S REALLY WHAT I WANT,

RIGHT THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S REALLY WHAT I WANT,

RIGHT THERE.

'CAUSE I HAVE NO LUCK

WITH WOMEN, NO LUCK WITH WOMEN.

I KNOW, LADIES, YOU'RE LOOKING

AT ME LIKE, "OH, YOU ARE FINE AS

HELL."

NO.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

DOESN'T HELP.

I ALWAYS MEET WOMEN AT THE WRONG

TIME.

MY FRIENDS MEET THE RIGHT TYPE

OF FEMALES.

MY FRIENDS MEET WOMEN THAT

WANT TO HAVE SEX RIGHT AWAY.

DO IT RIGHT THERE IN THE CAR,

IN THE PARK, WANNA GET THEIR

LOVEMAKING ON.

NOT ME.

I MEET WOMEN THAT USED TO

[BLEEP].

[LAUGHTER]

BUT DON'T ANY MORE, NOW THAT

THE LORD JESUS CHRIST IS IN

THEIR LIFE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND BE QUICK TO TELL ME ABOUT

IT.

"YOU KNOW, BEFORE I MET YOU,

I USED TO SLEEP WITH EVERYBODY.

BUT I DON'T ANY MORE, NOW THAT

I FOUND GOD."

I MET THIS ONE GIRL, SHE GONNA

TELL ME, "YOU KNOW WHAT, DREW?

YOU WANT TO GET NEXT TO ME,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO

TO CHURCH."

SO NOW I'M IN CHURCH.

PRAYING FOR VAGINA.

AIN'T THIS A DAMN SHAME?

I'M LIKE "OH, PLEASE GOD,

HELP ME."

[LAUGHTER]

AND NOWADAYS, YOU CAN'T

SLEEP WITH EVERYBODY LIKE

YOU COULD BACK IN THE DAY.

BACK IN THE DAY, EVERYTHING WAS

BEAUTIFUL, MAN.

YOU COULD JUST GO SLEEP AROUND

AND FEEL GOOD.

WAKE UP IN THE MORNING GO ABOUT

YOUR BUSINESS, NOT NO MORE.

NOWADAYS, YOU SLEEP WITH

SOMEBODY ON MONDAY YOU'RE DEAD

ON TUESDAY.

YOU GOT TO LOOK FOR THE

WARNING SIGNS.

THAT'S WHY I DON'T MESS AROUND

WITH NO SKINNY WOMEN.

UH-HUH.

LOSING WEIGHT IS THE FIRST SIGN.

A SKINNY GIRL WANNA DATE ME, SHE

GOT TO SHOW ME SOME OLD PHOTOS.

I GOTTA MAKE SURE SHE'S BEEN

SKINNY A LONG-ASS TIME.

LET ME SEE YOUR YEARBOOK.

YOU BETTER BE SKINNY IN THE

TENTH GRADE.

I AIN'T MESSING AROUND WITH

YOUR ASS.

I AIN'T MESSING AROUND WITH

NOBODY THAT'S SKINNY AND GOT A

COUGH.

"HEY, GIRL, HOW YOU DOING?"

"[COUGHS] I'M OKAY."

"OH, HELL, NO.

NO, YOU'RE NOT, NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE SKINNY AND YOU'RE

COUGHING?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I DON'T THINK SO."

NOW IT' ALL ABOUT THE CONDOMS

NOW.

YOU GOTTA WEAR YOUR CONDOMS.

YOU GOTTA USE CONDOMS.

YES.

AND FELLAS, I'M GONNA TELL YOU

RIGHT NOW.

BRING YOUR OWN CONDOMS TOO,

'CAUSE NOW WOMEN CARRY CONDOMS.

AND THEY WILL EMBARRASS YOU

WITH THEM.

I WAS MAKING LOVE TO THIS ONE

GIRL.

I'M GETTING READY TO PULL OUT

MY CONDOM.

SHE SAID, "NO, NO, NO,

THAT'S OKAY.

I HAVE ONE FOR YOU."

SHE PULLED OUT ONE OF THEM BIG

GIANT ONES.

YOU KNOW THE ONES?

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT COME IN

THAT GOLD CASE, YOU KNOW,

LOOK LIKE A CD CASE.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THIS THING?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I SWEAR TO GOD, I OPENED

THAT THING A HEFTY BAG FELL OUT.

I WAS LIKE WHAT THE...?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I PUT THAT THING ON,

I HAD MY PENIS, MY BALLS--

EVERYTHING WAS INSIDE THAT

THING.

I DON'T...

I HAD TO GO GET A RUBBER BAND

TO TIE IT DOWN WITH.

I SAID, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

IS THIS MUCH AIR SUPPOSED TO BE

IN HERE?

THIS IS CRAZY.

[LAUGHTER]

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