OutgoingVice President Joe Biden,
America's unclewho hugs you from behind...
Just likethree seconds too long.
...is knownfor his million-dollar smile
and colorful language.Both were on display
in a speech roasting DonaldTrump at the DNC last night.
Just like 311at the county fair,
Delaware Joe playedall the hits.
He's trying to tell us he caresabout the middle class.
Give me a break!
That's a bunch of malarkey.
Well, can we say thaton television?
I've never seen him so mad!
That's a bunchof (bleep) malarkey!
-Oh, I said it!-(applause and cheering)
I am hoppin' mad!
Donald Trump can suckmy (bleep), gosh darn it!
He can choke on the hot,bubbling magma jizz
that shoots out ofthe snotty end of my winkie!
-(laughter)-Oh, I'm so mad!
Uh, "malarkey" is a word thevice president uses frequently.
Comedians, what's another folksyeuphemism Mr. B might use?
-Gillian.-Uh, where's the bathroom?
I got to take a great bigstinkin' gobbly-goob.
-Mike Birbiglia.-I'm not sure,
but I'm pretty sure he said,
"Lookie here, see, MichelleObama's the bee's knees,
and Donald Trump is a jarof (bleeping) apple sauce.
All right. Yeah,I'm pretty sure he said that.
Not sure the partat the end, though.
I think that's just calledcrapple sauce, right?
-Crapple sauce, right.-Yeah, that's what I thought.