Jacqueline Novak - Apple Woman

Jacqueline Novak Season 5, Ep 14 10/07/2016 Views: 1,116

According to women's magazines, women are shaped like fruits and vegetables, but Jacqueline Novak isn't sold on these categories. (1:37)

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I'm an apple woman.

An apple... woman.

If you readthe ladies magazines,

you might know what that is.

They like to tell the womenwhat shape we are

and what jeans to buy.

Pear is a classic shape.

They always say, "You're a pearif you carry your weight

in your hips."

They're like,"You're a pear,

if you have a woman's body."

And then they're like,"You're an apple,

if your shirt hurts."

There's celeries, as well.

But...

they don't say much about them,

'cause they're doing okayon their own.

I was born a celery.

But I knew I was an apple.

I'm a trans-vegetable.

That's the only punyou're gettin' out of me,

so I hope you enjoyed it.(chuckles)

They're rude to apples,they do this thing.

Next to apple, there's alwaysa little asterisk.

And then,at the bottom of the page,

in tiny letters, they're like,

"By the way, if you're an apple,

you're at greater riskfor heart disease."

But you go, apple girl.(chuckles)