John Bowman - News

Season 2, Ep 0207 05/24/2007 Views: 3,760

The news is just a delivery system for commercials. (2:46)

it'd be entertaining.

That's what television's for.I can't get any information.

You watch the news,it's not news.

It's not meant to enlighten youor educate you.

It's a... it's a delivery systemfor commercials.

It's all decided by peoplesitting in study groups

and focus groups, and they sitwith green and red buttons.

Green: Anna Nicole, love it,love it, love it.

Mm, Darfur, mm, no,no, no, no, no, no.

So that's how they decide it.

How they can sell adult diapersand PoliGrip

and whatever the hellthey're selling.

You can't get any information.

I can't even getthe newspaper anymore

and get information.That's where I used to get it.

Now they have to editorializeeverything.

They have to sex it up!

Because they have stockholdersas well.

Editorializing in a headline.

I don't want to see a headlinethat says,

"Brutal Dictator Hanged."

Screw you.

"Dictator Hanged" is all I need.

Give me the restof the information.

I'll decidewhether he's brutal or not.

I don't need thatin the newspaper.

I saw another one,"Mountain Climber Found.

Tragic Results."


Not to me.


If you're out climbing mountainsin this day and age,

you're a (bleep) head.

Mountain climbing, it's anarchaic pursuit, uh, uh, that

used to be necessary becausepeople had to chart maps and

tell us what was up on top ofthat mountain. We didn't know.

People say, "Well, I climb itbecause it's there,

like Sir Edmund Hillary." Well,I tell you what. He was smart.

If he would have had ahelicopter, he would have flown

up there, he'd have lookedaround, he would have come back

down and said, "Hey, there isn'tany (bleep) we need up there."

And that would have beenthe end of it.

You have too much moneyand too much time

if you're climbing mountains.

And not only that, nowthey don't even have

to be goodat climbing mountains.

You used to have to study andthink, "What will happen to me

"if I get into an avalanche orif I'm caught in this blizzard

that's so badthat I can't move?"

Now they have beacons, they justgo, "♪ La, la-la, la-la

Oh, it's snowing. Somebody comeget me. Come get me!"


People say, "Oh, I do it out ofrespect for the mountain."

Yeah, I'm sure the mountainloves you

and your granola bar wrappers,your defecation every 15 feet.

Oh, I'm sure the mountain missesyou when you go away.

You got some amateurs up thereand they're wandering around.

Selfish bastards,they're up there

they get lost,and the snow came,

they turned on their beacon.

And then the rescue people,who are supposed to save people

who have been caught in someterrible circumstance,

accidental or from nature,they're not available.

Now they have to climbthe mountain and look for you.

And in the meantime,I'm driving around drunk,

I run into a telephone pole.

There's nobody there that knowshow to run the Jaws of Life!