LIKE A BRUNCH THING.AND I TELL MY STUDENTSTO WEAR LOOSE CLOTHING.
AND THEY COME IN WITH SWEAT PANTS.
AND I TELL EVERYBODY TO JUST SHAKE IT OUT. SHAKE IT OUT.
LIFT UP THE SHOULDERS AND STRETCH THE NECK.
AND I KEEP DOIN' THAT UNTILREALIZE THEY'VE BEEN RIPPED OFF.
BECAUSE WHAT ARE YOU GONNA-- HOW CAN YOU--
HOW CAN TEACH STAND-UP COMEDY? THAT'S CRAZY.
WHAT AM I GONNA SAY? "DON'T FORGET TO PUT
"THE PUNCH LINE AFT THE SET UP.
"HOW MANY TIMESHAVE I TOLD YOU?
NEXT WEEK THERE'S GONNA BE A POP QUIZ ABOUT HENNY YOUNGMAN."
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
FOUR PEOPLE REMEMBER WHO HENNY YOUNGMAN ARE-- WAS-- IS.
THE MOTTO OF MY COMEDY WORKSHOP IS,
"IF I CAN'T MAKE YOU FUNNY, WELL, THEN MAYBE YOU'RE NOT.
- DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?" - [LAUGHTER]
I GO NEGATIVE AT THE END.
I ALWAYS THINK IT'S VERY STRANGE WHEN YOU SEE FLIERS
FOR ACTING WORKSHOPS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT'S THE PITCH BEHIND AN ACTING WORKSHOP?
"HEY. HEY, GUYS AND GALS. WOULD YOU LIKE TO COMPETE WITH
"75,000 OTHER PEOPLE FOR FOUR JOBS?
WHY DON'T YOU TRY ACTING?"
"HEY EVERYBODY.HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO
"USELESS ACTING EXERCISES, LIKE PRETENDING YOU'RE A LIZARD
"FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF,AND THEN FEND OFF
"AN INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL ADVANCE BY THE TEACHER.
- TRY ACTING." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
HEY-- HEY-- SAVE IT-- 'CAUSE THE THIRD ONE'S ALWAYS THE KICKER.