Susie Essman - Break-Ups

Bolster, DiMaggio, Essman Season 1, Ep 12 05/30/1994 Views: 4,528

The little things in a relationship stay with you. (1:53)


My boyfriend brokeup with me recently.

Do you feel bad?


Don't, becausehe's dead now, OK?

And I ran into-- did youever run into an ex-boyfriend

or girlfriend, andyou look at them,

and you thinkyourself was I in a

deranged psychopathic dementia?

Was I in a complete psychoticstate when I was having sex

with this man everynight-- twice on Saturdays?

I don't know.

But-- and then I had-- youknow what-- I had the really

mortifying, humiliatingmoment when I looked at him

and I thought, uck, I talkedbaby talk to this man.

It was so scary.

And then I realized--does this ever happen?

Do you ever, like,run into somebody,

and you forget thewhole relationship?

What's your name?


Has that ever happened to you?


I'm the only one.


So I ran into him,and I realized

I forget the entirerelationship.

And I'm standingthere thinking I

was with this guyfor four years.

I lived with him.

And the only thing that I couldremember about the entire four

years was everynight in bed doing

this-- what are you doing?

It's the only thing that stuck.

The little things that juststay with you, you know?

So my ex-boyfriend-- see, butI know it's confusing to you,

because my ex-boyfriend--you don't know how to behave.

You don't know whetherto be like the animals

that you really are or sensitiveand kind and sweet, which

is like an effort.

Like, he used totry to be sensitive,

but I knew he didn'treally mean it.

So it didn't really work.

I would be in bed withhim, and he would say stuff

to me like, tellme what you want.

I want a milkshake.

What do you think I want.

I'm in bed with you.

And then I knew hedidn't really care,

and I couldn'treally answer him,

because up here I have the mic.

I could say whatever I want.

But in bed I'm naked,and I'm vulnerable.

I am.

So he would say stuff like,tell me what you want.

And I would just say stuff like,whatever you're doing is fine.

You know?

And meanwhile he'd behumping my shinbone

with a wire-haired terrier.

I'd say can you get into amarginally erogenous zone?

But it wasn't working.

It didn't work out.

So we-- I did-- you know what?