Wayne Federman - Fast Food Easy

Season 1 , Ep 0160 02/24/92 Views: 3,041

The food may be greasy and salty, but it's also ready. (3:01)

FOR REALLY GOING OVERBOARDWITH THIS

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM

COMMUNITY THEATER.

IF PSEUDOLUS COMES OUT OFTHIS DOOR OVER HERE

JUST... TELL ME,JUST TELL ME A LITTLE BIT.

WELL, THOSE SITTINGTHERE IN FRONT

SEE THAT I SUFFER A LITTLE BITFROM COMBINATION SKIN.

( chuckling )

I HAVE THE T-ZONE.

IT'S IN A LOWER-CASE T,BUT IT'S A ZONE

AND I DIDN'T THINK MY SKIN WASTHAT OILY UNTIL LAST SUMMER.

I WAS ON THE BEACH WALKING ALONG

AND ACTUALLY A SEA GULLGOT CAUGHT RIGHT HERE.

MY FACE IS REALLY BAD.

A GUY FROM GREENPEACEHAD TO COME DOWN.

HE GAVE ME A CITATION.

HE WIPED IT OFF, LET IT GO.

I DON'T LIKE THE BEACH ANYMORE

BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF THEWHOLE SUN ACTUALLY HURTING ME

SO I HAVE TO GET THE SUNBLOCK 75

WHICH NOT ONLYCOMPLETELY BLOCKS THE SUN

BUT ACTUALLY MAKES IT RAIN,IT'S REALLY...

( laughter )

THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THINGI'VE EVER WRITTEN.

SO... I'M SERIOUS...BUT I LIKE DOING IT.

I LIKE DOING ITBECAUSE IT'S THAT SPECIAL...

I'VE BEEN LIFTING WEIGHTS--

NOT THE WHOLE WEIGHTS, BUT THECLAMPS THAT SECURE THE WEIGHTS.

CURLING THOSE.

NO, I TAKE THAT LITTLE BOLT OUT.

YOU KNOW WHY-- TONE, OTHERWISEYOU BULK UP WAY TOO MUCH.

JUST TONE.

MAYBE I DIDN'TSAY IT LOUD ENOUGH.

I LIVED IN NEW YORK FOR AWHILE

WHERE I STUDIED ACTING WITHTHE MASTER, LEE... MAJORS.

SO THAT WAS REALLY... GOOD.

IT'S GOOD FOR ME.

HE'S MORE THAN STEVE AUSTIN,LET ME TELL YOU.

I'LL MAKE A LITTLE CONFESSION,BECAUSE I FEEL A LOT OF SUPPORT.

I EAT AT FAST-FOOD RESTAURANTS.

A LOT OF PEOPLEMAKE FUN OF McDONALD'S.

I EAT THERE ALL THE TIME.

MY GIRLFRIEND WON'TEVEN GO INTO McDONALD'S.

SHE JUST SITS IN THE CAR YELLINGAT ME, "HOW CAN YOU GO IN THERE?

THE FOOD'S SO GREASY,THE FOOD'S SO SALTY."

"WELL, THE FOOD IS READY

"AND THAT'S WHY I GO THERE,ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S WHY I'M THERE."

BY THE WAY, THAT WAS MYFICTIONAL COMEDY ACT GIRLFRIEND.

OKAY, SO...

( laughter )

HOW COME I'M HAVING TROUBLEWITH THE STAND?

IS SHE THAT STRONGTHAT SHE CAN...?

IT'S LIKE,SANDRA HAS TIGHTENED IT UP

AND WAYNE COULDN'TREALLY UNDO IT.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN.

THE SLOGAN OF McDONALD'S SHOULDBE NOT "OVER 80 BILLION SERVED"

JUST ONE GUY BEHINDTHE COUNTER GOING

"IT'S READY, HERE'S YOUR FOOD.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE,CHEESEBURGER?"

I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LOOK.

( whispers: )I'LL TAKE ONE OF THOSE.

( laughter and hooting )

ONCE I ORDERED WATERIN THAT RESTAURANT.

THE KID... THAT WAS THE BREAKS.

HE COMPLETELY PANICKED.

IT WAS, LIKE,"OKAY, WHAT WAS THAT, WATER?

"SAY IT AGAIN?

"YOU'LL HAVE WATER, JUST WATER?

"NOW, ARE YOU SAYING'WHAT' OR 'WATER'?

"DID YOU ORDER OFF THE BOARD?

"BECAUSE WHAT, IT'S AN ITEM?

OKAY, WATER."

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