Emily Heller - Feminism Is Not Very Fun

  • Season 3 , Ep 2
  • 07/27/2012
  • Views: 19,252

Emily Heller uses feminism to her own advantage. (2:30)

I AM A FEMINST,AND...

(cheers)

THIS IS THE FIRST TIMEIN MY LIFE

ANYONE HAS EVER CLAPPEDWHEN I SAID THAT...SERIOUSLY.

FEMINISM IS NOT VERY POPULAR,RIGHT NOW, OUTSIDE OF THIS ROOM.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THAT.

FEMINISM IS NOT VERY POPULAR,I THINK,

BECAUSE FEMINISMIS NOT VERY FUN.

WE HAVE A BIT OF A RECRUITINGPROBLEM RIGHT NOW.

MISOGYNY IS VERY EASYTO RECRUIT FOR.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BE LIKE,"HEY, DO YOU LIKE BOOBS?

COME WITH ME,I KNOW A PLACE."

"OH, THEY'RE GONNA SHOW THEMTO US."

A FEMINIST CAN'T MAKE THATOFFER,

IT'S MORE LIKE"HEY, DO YOU LIKE BOOBS?

WELL, I'M NOT GONNASHOW YOU MINE,

BUT I HAVE WRITTEN A POEMABOUT THEIR POWER."

I HAVE FOUND SOME WAYSTO USE FEMINISM

TO MY OWN ADVANTAGE,

MOSTLY TO REMAINLAZY AND DISGUSTING.

UH, BECAUSE, UH...

FOR A WHILE,I STOPPED SHAVING MY LEGS

AND SOMEONE SAID TO ME,"WHAT ARE YOU, A FEMINIST?"

AND I SAID, "WOULD THAT...

WOULD THAT EXPLAIN IT?"

AND IT DID.IT TOTALLY DID.

THEN THINGS KIND OF SPIRALED OUTOF CONTROL FROM THERE.

'CAUSE IT TURNS OUT THERE'SA LOT YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH

AS A FEMINISTTHAT MORTAL WOMEN CANNOT.

LIKE MY BOSS CALLED ME INTO HISOFFICE THE OTHER DAY,

AND HE WAS LIKE, "EMILY,

I NOTICED YOU HAVEN'T SHOWEREDIN A WHILE."

AND I WAS JUST LIKE,"YEAH,

I'M JUST TRYING TO PRESERVEMOTHER EARTH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

HE WAS LIKE,

"ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'TJUST SLEEP THROUGH YOUR ALARM

AND RUSH TO WORK AGAIN?"

I WAS LIKE, PSSSH,"WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?"

HE SAID,"YOU'RE WEARING PAJAMAS."

SO I SAID, "I SUPPOSEYOU'D PREFER SOMETHING

A LITTLE MORE LOW-CUT?"

AND HE GAVE ME A RAISE.

(laughing and applause)

OR THIS ONE,I RECOMMEND TO ANY OF YOU.

A HOMELESS GUY ASKED MEFOR A DOLLAR THE OTHER DAY,

AND I WAS LIKE, "A DOLLAR?HOW ABOUT 76 CENTS?

BECAUSE THAT'S HOW MUCH A LADYHOBO WOULD MAKE

DOING THE SAME JOB."

(cheers and applause)

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