Artie Lange - The Funniest Sentence Ever Constructed

Artie Lange: The Stench of Failure Season 1, Ep 1 10/18/2014 Views: 2,250

After thinking back to a simpler time, Artie Lange shares his 83-year-old friend's description of his favorite sci-fi television show. (1:41)

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- I miss the older generation.

I was talkingabout the newer generation.

You young people, listen,you got the--

It's the most exciting timeto be alive.

It really is.

But there wasa more innocent time,

and I think of my uncles, likethe World War II generation,

who saved the world.

And my buddy's uncle, frommy neighborhood, his Uncle Tony,

said the funniest [bleep] thing

that I just want to sharewith you on this special.

The last five yearsof his life--old Italian guy--

he ate a ball of mozzarella

like it was an apple, okay?

That's what he did.

And he watched--24 hours a day,he watched television.

And his favorite show the lastfive years of his life--

83-year-old Italian guy--

his favorite show was Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

And he would eat--One day I said to him--

I said to my buddy's uncle,I said,

"Hey, Uncle Tony"--We all called him "Uncle Tony"--

I said, "Uncle Tony, this show Buffy the Vampire Slayer,

what's it about?"

And without missing a beat,he went,

"It's a Jew broad,fights Draculas."


[cheers and applause]

Oh! God bless him.God bless him.

That might be the funniestsentence ever constructed.

Like, you got to do research.You watch the end of the show.

"Gellar," and she was Jewish,I guess.

And he made "Draculas" plural.

"It's a Jew broad,fights Draculas."

I said, "Uncle Tony,you should write the synopsis

in the TV Guide."

"Tonight on an all-new Buffy,

"she's a Jew broad,fights Draculas.

Followed by Riptide."