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Season 1 , Ep 5 08/12/09 Views: 8,655

Michael Showalter presents the best closing lines from theater's greatest one-man shows. (3:29)

START THE SHOW!START THE SHOW!

- SO DOES ONE OF YOU WANT TO GOBEFORE THE OTHER PERSON?

- THE PROBLEM ULTIMATELY IS

THAT YOU HAVETWO HEADLINERS HERE.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

- IT'S A PROBLEM FOR YOU.FOR US, IT'S...

- NOT A PROBLEM.

- IT'S LIKE THIS.

IT'S LIKE, YOU HAVE A SHOW,

AND IT'S LIKE ON ONE BILL,

YOU HAVE RICHARD PRYORAND CARROT TOP.

AND IT'S LIKE,WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT?

- WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'VE GOTTHE ROLLING STONES

AND BLIND MELONON THE SAME BILL?

THAT'S A TOUGH ONE TOO.- I LOVE MELON.

- PLEASE, JUST ONE OF YOUMAKE A DECISION?

- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?I WILL GO FIRST TONIGHT.

- REALLY?- YEAH.

- OKAY, HAPPY TO DO IT.

- HE'LL GO FIRST.

- GREAT. COME ON.

- HAVE A GOOD SET, MIKE.

KEEP IT TIGHT:THREE TO FIVE.

- HI, EVERYBODY.

MOUNT VERNON COLLEGE IS SO PROUDTO BRING TO THE STAGE

MR. MICHAEL IAN BLACK!

[cheers and applause]

- HI, EVERYBODY.

IT IS SUCH AN HONOR FOR ME

TO INTRODUCE TO YOUYOUR OPENING ACT,

THE GUY WHO'S GONNA BEWARMING UP THE CROWD FOR ME

TO COME OUT AS A HEADLINERLATER ON.

PLEASE WELCOMEMR. MICHAEL SHOWALTER!

[cheers and applause]

MICHAEL SHOWALTER.

OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS.

I THINK MICHAEL'S FEELINGA LITTLE BIT SHY,

SO MAYBE IF WE CLAP OUR HANDSREALLY HARD,

HE'LL COME OUT HERE.

MICHAEL SHOWALTER!MICHAEL SHOWALTER.

HERE HE IS, EVERYBODY.

[applause]

- YOU'RE DEAD TO ME.- YUP.

- HEY, EVERYBODY, LET'S HEAR ITFOR MICHAEL IAN BLACK.

- ONE OF THE THINGS

MICHAEL SHOWALTER ISTOO MODEST TO TELL YOU

IS THAT HE ISA CLASSICALLY TRAINED ACTOR

WHO RECENTLY COMPLETED A RUNOF HIS OWN ONE-MAN SHOW.

THE DVD JUST BECAME AVAILABLE,

AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOUIT'S JUST GREAT.

male announcer: YOU'VE SEENTHE ONE-MAN SHOWS.

YOU'VE LAUGHED, YOU'VE CRIED,YOU'VE LEARNED LESSONS,

AND YOU'VE HEARD THE FINAL LINES

THAT HAVEBRILLIANTLY ENCAPSULATED

EVERYTHINGTHAT'S COME BEFORE THEM.

NOW AMERICA'S MOST RESPECTEDTHEATER PERFORMER,

MICHAEL SHOWALTER,

HAS COLLECTED ALL YOUR FAVORITEONE-MAN-SHOW CLOSING LINES

INTO ONE TWO-DISC SET.

- SURE, MAYBE I DIDN'T MAKETHE BASKETBALL TEAM,

BUT FOR BECOMING AN ADULT,IT WAS A SLAM DUNK.

[applause]

announcer: WHY SIT THROUGHTHE WHOLE SHOW

WHEN YOU CAN JUST SKIPTO THE BEST PART,

THE LAST LINE?

- WE WILL ALL ONE DAY BEPART OF THAT OAK TREE

IN NANA'S YARD.

[applause]

announcer: SO MANY MOMENTS,

SO MUCH MAGIC.

- AND THAT'S WHEN I KNEW

THIS WHEELCHAIR WOULD NEVERKEEP ME FROM WALKING...

ON AIR!

announcer: SO MANYBRILLIANT CODAS.

- I GUESS IN MY CASE,IT TOOK THREE TO TANGO.

[audience gasps]

announcer: A LAST LINE IS WORTH1,000 WORDS.

- AND EVEN THOUGH I WAS DONEWITH ARCHERY,

ARCHERY WOULD NEVERBE DONE WITH ME,

NOT BY A LONG SHOT.

announcer: THREE-TIME TONY AWARDATTENDEE MICHAEL SHOWALTER.

- SO I PUT DOWN THE BIBLE,

AND I PICKED UP THE PACE.

[cheers and applause]

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