Rob Stapleton - Olympics

  • Season 13 , Ep 6
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 8,208

Rob would like to see Olympic games like Trying to Make a Sandwich with No Bread. (2:39)

BORN AND RAISED IN THE BRONX,MAN. I LOVE NEW YORK, MAN.

YOU LIVE HERE,YOU CAN LIVE ANYWHERE.

BORN AND RAISED.

GREW UP IN THE HOOD,HOOD, HOOD.

I WAS WATCHING THE OLYMPICS.

SOME THINGS IN OLYMPICSYOU JUST CAN'T RELATE TO.

SOME THINGS I TRIED TO RELATE TOIN THE OLYMPICS.

SOME THINGS,YOU JUST COULDN'T --

YOU KNOW, SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING,PING-PONG.

I'M LIKE, "COME ON,I WANT TO SOME REAL HOOD EVENTS,

SOMETHING THAT WOULD REALLYMAKE YOU GO FOR THE GOLD."

YOU KNOW,GAMES WE HAD IN THE HOOD LIKE

"TRYING TO FINDYOUR REAL FATHER."

"TRY TO MAKE A SANDWICHWITH NO BREAD."

"TRY TO SHOPLIFTWITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT."

"GO SHOPPING, COME BACK, ANDHOPE THE ELEVATORS STILL WORK."

THOSE ARE REAL GAMES.

YOU KNOW, WE STARTED SOMETHINGIN NEW YORK CITY

THAT STARTED ALL OVER THE PLACE,LIKE GETTING CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING.

IF YOU GET CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING,

YOU GOT TO TAKE A PICTUREWITH THE STUFF YOU STOLE...

WHICH IS THE FUNNIEST THINGIN THE WORLD, YOU KNOW?

THEY TAKE A PICTURE AND PUT YOURIGHT NEAR THE SUPERMARKET,

LIKE, "WATCH THESE GUYS --THESE GUYS STEAL."

GOT TO BE EMBARRASSINGIF YOU GET CAUGHT.

THEN YOU GOT TO TAKE A PICTUREOF WHAT YOU STOLE.

YOU SEE A GUY WITH A PICTUREWITH A PACK OF PORK CHOPS.

CAN OF SPAMWITH THE TOP MISSING.

YOU ALWAYS GOT THAT CRACKHEAD.HE DON'T GIVE A DAMN. HE LIKE...

[ LAUGHTER ]

"COMIN' BACK TOMORROW, SON!"

I JUST MOVED, MAN, MOVED THE ONEAPARTMENT TO THE OTHER, MAN.

YOU KNOW, YOU MOVE TO A NICE,CLEAN, APARTMENT,

YOU THINK THINGS ARE GOOD.

I SAW A ROACH IN MY HOUSE, MAN.

YOU KNOW, THAT KNOCKED ME RIGHTOFF MY PEDESTAL, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, THE ROACH GOT THEREBEFORE THE FURNITURE.

I'M LIKE, "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?"

YOU EVER BE IN YOUR HOUSE,

YOU GO IN THE KITCHENAT A CERTAIN TIME?

YOU NORMALLY SHUT YOUR HOUSEDOWN AT A CERTAIN TIME.

I'M IN THE KITCHEN,YOU KNOW, GO GET SOME CEREAL,

2:00, 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

YOU EVER CUT THE LIGHT ON,YOU SURPRISE A ROACH?

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

"YOU NORMALLY BE SLEEPING."

YOU EVER CATCH A ROACH,YOU BE MAD, YOU STEP ON A ROACH

LIKE YOU'RE STEPPINGON A COMMUNITY OF THEM, LIKE...

[ GRUNTING ]

I STEPPED ON ONE ROACH SO HARD,A MOUSE RAN OUT.

I WAS LIKE...

"THAT'S ENOUGH.I GOT KIDS IN THE HOLE.

"THEY DON'T NEED TOSEE THIS [BLEEP]

COME ON. WE GOING TO 3B.LET'S GET OUT OF HERE."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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