Uncensored - Steve Rannazzisi - Wife Invasion Pt. 2

Steve Rannazzisi: Manchild Season 1, Ep 101 11/16/2013 Views: 3,391

Steve Rannazzisi knows that the key to communicating with his wife is matching her intensity. (2:27)

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BUT THE WORST PART WAS,

SHE WOULD GO TO WORK EARLYIN THE MORNING,

AND GUESS WHOSE JOB IT WASTO MAKE THE BED?

YEAH, THE UNEMPLOYED COMEDIANRIGHT OVER HERE.

EVERY DAY, I'D BE SWEATINGAT 11:30 IN THE MORNING,

TRYING TO REMEMBERWHERE THE UNICORN PILLOW GOES.

ALSO TRYING TO REMEMBERWHERE THAT LOG GOES.

WHERE DOES THAT LOG GO?AT THE BOTTOM, OR THE TOP?

WHAT DOES IT DO?

MEANWHILE,I WAS WATCHING "MAURY POVICH,"

TRYING TO FIGURE OUTWHOSE BABY IT WAS.

"WAS IT DARNELL'S BABYOR LAQUAN'S BABY?

"I'M NOT SURE WHOSE BABY IT IS.

"IT'S GOT LAQUAN'S EYES,

BUT IT COULD STILL GOEITHER WAY IN MY MIND."

AND THEN SHE'D COME HOME...

...EVERY DAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THERE WAS NOT ONE DAYWHERE SHE DIDN'T COME HOME.

SOMETIMESI'D SIT AT HOME, GOING,

"OH, MAYBE SHE WON'TCOME HOME TODAY.

OH, THERE SHE IS! YAY!

LOVE OF MY LIFE."

AND THAT'S WHEN THE TALKING,

THE COMMUNICATION PROCESSHAPPENED.

YEAH.

YEAH, BACK THEN,IT WAS JUST HER AND I.

THERE WERE NO KIDS,DISTRACTIONS AT ALL.

IT WAS JUST HER AND I.

SHE HAD A LOT TO SAY,ALL DAY LONG.

MY WIFE -- I WAS POSITIVE --HAD A METAPHORICAL BOX,

AND SHE WOULD TAKE HER THOUGHTSALL DAY,

AND SHE WOULD JUST DROP THEMINTO THIS BOX.

"OOH, THIS IS A GOOD TOPICOF CONVERSATION.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ] OOH!

I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK ABOUT THISWHEN I GET HOME."

THEN WHEN SHE WOULD GET THERE,

SHE WOULD JUST VOMIT THE BOXONTO MY FACE,

LIKE SOME SORTOF VERBAL BUKKAKE.

I WOULD JUST TAKE -- "AAH!"

PREPOSITIONAL PHRASESOFF MY EYELIDS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

TELL ME STORIES ABOUT PEOPLE

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOWWHO SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

BUT YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION.

YOU HAVE TO MATCH INTENSITY.THAT'S THE KEY.

SHE WOULD TELL ME THESE STORIESABOUT A WOMAN,

AND IT DIDN'T MATTERWHO THE WOMAN WAS.

SHE'D BE LIKE, "CAN YOU BELIEVETHAT THIS WOMAN SAID THAT?"

I'D BE LIKE,"BABE, SHE'S A BITCH!

"AND SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN A BITCH!

"FROM DAY ONE,I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT WOMAN!

DON'T TRUST HER!"

I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO IT WASSHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

IT DIDN'T MATTER.

YOU JUST HAVE TO MATCHTHE INTENSITY.

SHE WOULD STARE AT MELIKE A HAWK

TO MAKE SURE I WAS LISTENING

TO EVERY WORDTHAT CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH.

"I WANT TO BE AN ACTRESS.I'M GONNA BE A WRITER.

"DA, DA, DA, DA,DA, DA, DA, DA, DA.

WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?"

"'SportsCenter.'"

"WELL, WHAT AREYOU GONNA WATCH NEXT?"

"THE SAMEFUCKING "SportsCenter" --

THE SAME ONE."

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

"YOU'RE TALKINGTHROUGH THE HIGHLIGHTS."