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Aziz Ansari - Texting with Girls

Season 1 , Ep 101 05/20/12 Views: 74,547

Much to Aziz Ansari's dismay, all dating communication has gone exclusively to text. (1:19)

>> I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP

FOR A FEW YEARS,

AND I THINK IN THE TIME

I WAS IN THE RELATIONSHIP,

ALL DATING COMMUNICATION

WENT EXCLUSIVELY TO TEXT.

YOU CAN'T CALL ANYBODY ANYMORE.

IF YOU CALL SOMEONE,

THEY'RE LIKE,

"WHAT? ARE YOU ON FIRE?

THEN QUIT WASTING MY TIME.

TEXT ME THAT SHIT."

AND I DON'T LIKE TEXTING PEOPLE,

ESPECIALLY GIRLS.

THERE'S ALWAYS MISCOMMUNICATION

THAT HAPPENS.

THIS IS A SITUATION

I GET INTO ALL THE TIME.

I'LL TEXT A GIRL,

SHE TEXTS ME BACK RIGHT AWAY.

I TEXT HER BACK RIGHT AWAY,

SHE TEXTS ME BACK RIGHT AWAY,

I TEXT HER BACK RIGHT AWAY,

SHE TEXTS ME BACK RIGHT AWAY,

I TEXT HER BACK RIGHT AWAY,

SHE TEXTS ME BACK RIGHT AWAY.

THEN I'LL SAY SOMETHING LIKE,

"ALL RIGHT, COOL, SO YOU WANNA

GET PIZZA ON TUESDAY?"

AND THEN I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.

AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT

JUST HAPPENED?

I KNOW YOU READ THAT SHIT.

YOU RESPONDED TO 20 OTHER

THINGS I JUST SAID.

WHAT, DO YOU NOT

LIKE ME ANYMORE?

YOU DON'T HAVE TWO SECONDS TO

SAY, 'YES, I WANT

TO GET PIZZA,'

OR, 'NO, I DON'T WANT

TO GET PIZZA'?

WHAT, DID YOU CHECK

YOUR PHONE INTO A LOCKER

AND GO RIDE A ROLLER COASTER

FOR A FEW HOURS?

WHAT'S THE DEAL?"

AND AFTER A FEW HOURS OF

NO RESPONSE, I GET REAL UPSET.

AND I JUST WANT TO SEND A TEXT

THAT SAYS SOMETHING LIKE,

"WELL, GUESS WHO JUST GOT

UNINVITED TO THE PIZZA PARTY.

YOU DID,

'CAUSE I HATE YOU NOW."

GIRL ALWAYS WRITES

SOMETHING BACK.

"SORRY, I WAS AT MY NIECE'S

BALLET RECITAL.

WE HAD TO TURN OFF OUR PHONES."

"WHATEVER.

WE'RE DONE.

I FINISHED THAT PIZZA

HOURS AGO.

I WENT WITH MY FRIEND BRIAN.

HE'S NICE TO ME."

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